life with the rutledges in tennessee

moving forward

2012-02-12T20:27:00.000-06:00

The remainder of our week here went very well. I should have written this update a few days ago since I suffer from short term memory of sorts (jk, but it does seem like it some days).

Anyway...
I do find it interesting that Benjamin came down Thursday morning and while watching me get breakfast ready (he was the only one awake with me) he says "Mama, I can listen if I want to". So I don't know whether to take that at face value or not but I have found out that watching a DVD (Boz, Sesame Street, Leap Frog) has a TON of pull. Benjamin did not play with toys or get out of bed one time during nap this week in the name of getting to watch a DVD. We normally do not watch any tv during the week but this week the 2 little ones did and it all went better.

Another interesting thing I discover this week is that Benjamin is getting out of bed A LOT more than we thought he was at night. We have known of a few times but he told me one morning that he slept on the floor beside Carter and showed me right where he was. I asked Carter about it and he did not know that he had done that but told me that he gets in bed with him a lot of the time during the night and by morning he is back in his own bed. Carter is a nurturer and likes to take care of him so he just hasn't told us:) Rusty has found him on the floor asleep several times and put him back in bed but we thought he fell out of bed, now we are not sure. There could be a couple of things going on at night, now we know to pay better attention.

And lastly, one other change we have is that a few days ago Benjamin started talking about when we were in Rwanda with him. He would say something like... remember when we went in the van and got my picture taken (the passport photo). And there were others, all very accurate. He has consistently refused to talk about Rwanda at all so this is HUGE to us!

Check out what he can build with these magnetic shapes...

Carter showed him how to do this one time and now he can recreate it over and over but other things do not seem to click at all with him. It will be interesting to see what he can do a year from now.

They are know as THE BOYS around here...

always up to something:)

And Hope. The child who asks for a bow or headband EVERY morning before she eats breakfast.
This day she wanted to wear a bandanna...

And then the shoes... she still loves shoes, anyones shoes...

Notice the lemon in her hand??

We saw a ton of people in Rwanda eating lemons and limes, both Hope and Benjamin eat (like literally eat) them... just makes my jaw hurt thinking about it.

No pic of Aubrey in this post, I don't have a recent one... I have noticed that the older the kids get, the less they like their picture taken and they are doing fewer things that make me think.... oh, let me grab the camera real quick! Even though there is no picture of Aubrey she is NOT forgotten! Some days would be so much harder without her, her helpful and serving spirit. Love her.

improvement

2012-02-09T00:38:00.000-06:00

Last week was H A R D and the weekend was not much better.

Monday brought some changes as did Tuesday and today we turned a corner.

I wish I could say that I used some great tactics but I didn't.

He did stay closer and I provided a little more for him to do but today he just seemed to decide to stay out of trouble.

Last week he missed church so this morning he was told that if he made bad choices he would have to go to bible study with me and miss his class- he really wanted to go and he did really well all day long, I was SHOCKED! Carter even told Rusty at dinner that B didn't not get in trouble today... the bad behavior is noticed by everyone!

he is a handsome little boy:)

Figuring kids out is tricky.

One question that B can't seem to answer is why. Like...

why did you color on the couch, chair, and windows with a marker?

why do you like cookies?

why do you like to ride your 4-wheeler?

why did you touch the computer (that was behind a closed door) for the 10th time today?

why do you like your shoes and dress shirts so much?

It doesn't matter what type of question you ask... if it begins with "why" then you get a blank stare or a shoulder shrug (some of the shrugging goes back to Rwanda, like a shove-off type of response that we dealt with a lot). "Why" may be too deep or too analytical of a question, I don't know. I even role play and answer why questions and he still doesn't get it or chooses not to answer.

So, I get frustrated with him when he doesn't answer me at all.

I think I might like a simple "I don't know" once in a while.

So I wanted to share that he has done great today.

We will see how tomorrow goes.

on a lighter and more fun note...

guess who likes pickles, like loves them???

she could not get enough at lunch. Carter was so happy, he wants everyone to love pickles!

Later I told Hope to smile...

and then I just told her to open her eyes...

all of our kids have always loved to swing, I think all kids do.

these 2 can't seem to get enough these days...

Knowing that I can't do this job as Mommy on my own is comforting in a way, but I do wish that I would find myself running to the Lord more quickly than I do.

I wish I would grab Benjamin's hands each time he disobeys or makes choices that he knows aren't right and pray with him FIRST instead of raising my voice or redirecting, the redirection can come next with a hug and a kiss.

Right now life is full, it really is a good full- most days.

I need to post some videos so you all can see how the personalities of #'s 4 and 5 have changed!

I am ordering Grace Based Parenting and hope to get some wisdom out of it... I went to a Parenting with Grace session at my retreat and want to know a little more. If I want to be given much grace by my Father I need to know how to give it as well (especially in hard places).

End of the randomness:)

Tomorrow the board of tumor doctors will review Sallee's case and make a decision. Pray.

dealing with life

2012-02-03T13:39:00.001-06:00

This will be a little long...

Thank you to those of you who have committed to pray for Sallee. I appreciate you leaving comments on her blog and sending me emails. If you want to send her a card (a friend felt led to do so and I thought others might as well) I will give you her address via email. Contact me at rutledge98@gmail.com. She did find out that the cancer is in her cervix and her liver and the treatment is uncertain at this time. A team of Dr.s are reviewing her case. I will update as I know more.

Created for Care retreat... a must for an adoptive mom. I learned so much, I took so many notes, I bought sessions on cd and I laughed and I cried and told stories of the good and of the bad. I met some women that I have only know via blogs and email... amazing to connect with them. I needed to get away and then was eager to get home. The family did awesome while I was gone. Aubrey cooked everything and the weather was great so they were outside a lot. Rusty said as a whole it was the easiest time he has ever had with the kids on his own (and there were 2 more). They even got to church on time and had to leave at 8:15... yay to Rusty!

SO before you adopt go to the CONNECTED CHILD conference by Karen Purvis and the CREATED FOR CARE retreat after you have been home (although MANY women at the retreat -90 out of 400- had not brought a child home yet... I can see benefits to being these both times).

So now I am home. Sunday was amazing, lots of family time and we even went out to dinner... rare but GREAT! And then Monday hit and hit hard! All of the kids were so good except for one little 4 year old boy who was up at 2am waking his brothers, turning on the lights and playing with toys (this has NEVER happened before). He went back to bed and then got up early and played again and peed in his diaper until his sweat pants (that he wore to bed) were soaked from the waist to the knees. To say we started off the week poorly is an understatement. I was angry with him. So Monday continued and he continued to cut things, dump things out, play in the toilet, break things and the list goes on and it is LONG!

If you are familiar with adoption strategies than you know this behavior warrants TIME-IN instead of the traditional TIME-OUT. On Tuesday we had a repeat day so I knew what I had to do. On Wednesday he went everywhere with me, he was my shadow... he went with me to do laundry, to use the bathroom, to cook and so on... he did not leave my side except for nap (and then he made a mess in his room). We did not go to church, I was not going to leave him.

The thing that puzzles me is that none of this seems to be malicious (like done in an "I'll show you" sort of way). He very nonchalantly does these things. Thursday he spent a lot of the day with me, not all, it was driving me a little crazy. And now we are at today... he went down for his nap at 12 (usually it is 1 or 2). So I have to have a plan. I lost control several times this week and yelled at him, it doesn't work nor help. He still comes down EVERY morning and afternoon with a huge HI, MOMMY... GOOD MORNING or I LOVE YOU! He sits in my lap, plays with my hair and is as affectionate as ever. I may need to give him more structure during the day. He has had a lot of free play in limited areas but I think maybe we have to give him more to do. I will experiment and pray and implement what I think is best.

My parents took the 3 oldest to a state park for the night and then they are staying at their house on Saturday night so B should gets lots of quality time, no school and no bigger kids here! Daddy will be home too and that is good (for all of us)!

My final thought is just that Satan is attacking in some sort of way. I don't know. I have look beyond the behavior and remember that there is a fragile child who was once abandoned by his mother whom God has entrusted to me to love and to disciple and to nurture. Lord give me the strength for today.

PLEASE PRAY

2012-01-30T22:26:00.001-06:00

Tonight I planned on writing about my weekend at Created for Care, it was amazing and I learned a lot.

Now I am not. Now I am asking you to pray. I received a phone call earlier this evening telling me that a dear sister in Christ (and her family) needs our prayers. Our friend Sallee Couch fought ovarian cancer and was declared in remission with no detectable cancer in her body. Today she received her results from a recent biopsy and it tested positive for cancer cells. Very hard news to hear, very hard. Sallee and her husband Montie have 3 bio kids and 3 from Ethiopia (3 separate adoptions). Right after they returned home with their last son, Samson, in March of 2011 Sallee was diagnosed with cancer (in April) and their life has been a whirlwind ever since. Repeated trips to the hospital and chemo treatments and all that goes with the affects of cancer has created a very unstable and uncertain life. September 27, 2011 was Sallee's last chemo treatment. Life was starting to look a little normal again and now things are so uncertain. In the very near future Sallee will undergo some PET scans to determine how to move forward. The one thing I know for sure is that our heavenly Father is one that heals, comforts and restores. He can bring joy in the place of fear and doubt and can give peace in the most unpeacful times.

Please pray for this family. I try and put myself in their shoes and know that what I would want most is for people all over the world to be praying for me, to lift me up to my Heavenly Father and to interceed on my behalf.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Go to IT'S POPPY DIP to see pictures of their famiy and read some of the story for yourself.

My heart is very heavy.

going away

2012-01-26T08:05:00.000-06:00

I am leaving in about 3 hours to head to the Atlanta area. Tonight I will be visiting 2 of best friends from college that I haven't seen in 15 months. The last time we were together 1 of them (my roommate and maid of honor in my wedding) was battling Leukemia. She fought the fight and won! And is now getting married this summer, I can't wait! The other friend has 3 precious children and I can't wait to see how they have grown.

Friday I am going to the Created for Care retreat for adoptive moms and will return home on Sunday. I can't wait to meet some of the women who have adopted from Rwanda that I have been in touch with for more than a year (some close to 3 years) and meet those who blogs I have followed. Four hundred women will be coming together having adopted from all over the world.

I have never been away over night from Hope and Benjamin and we have been home almost 8 months.

So pray for me and pray for Rusty (and the kids too)! Rusty has always done great with the older 3 when I have been away and will with 5 as well... just a few more things to deal with:)

Gotta pack and get things ready here before I go!

oops

2012-01-25T00:32:00.000-06:00

While in the backyard today enjoying this unseasonably warm weather, Hope decided to take a seat here...

the mud hole at the end of our garden... we have had SO MUCH rain that it will not dry up and it doesn't help that Andrew LOVES to ride his 4-wheeler through it!

So here is the result...

SOAKED from the butt down...

She immediately says (and I am across the yard), MAMA WET and then MAMA, NAPKIN PLEASE!!! Who couldn't laugh at that one??? I took her in, changed her and put her down for a nap... there was mud all over her legs and feet, yuck (no bath, just a wet wipe down).

And since it was nice and the camera was still outside I snapped a few shots of the others...

Aubrey was wearing over 20 colors today! Unique!

Benjamin's smile is less and less forced and I love it, he has a great natural smile... just hasn't been very photogenic for us and thats ok, I get to see him everyday in person!

positively creative

2012-01-24T23:35:00.001-06:00

A couple of days ago Carter came up with a brilliant idea (or at least I think so). He and Aubrey tweaked on it all day. He had the idea to take a 3-ring binder (the type with the clear pocket in the front) and make a notebook full of activities that you can do in the car. For example Aubrey created this ROBOT page....

you take it out of the binder and slide it into the front pocket and use dry erase markers on it...

Just wipe it clean when you are finished!

Here is Carter's "What's for Dinner" page...

and after he worked on it...

The ideas are endless and I love it! Here are a few more pages they made (they made about 10-15 in all)...

You can let you kids make their own OR you can make one for them to enjoy the on the next rainy day or the next time you are in the car for a while! I LOVE THIS! And will probably make some of my own for the next time we are in a pinch and needing easy entertainment! Andrew and Benjamin have both loves this too! Hope, well she colored all over herself when Aubrey let her try it out! I think the Aqua Doodle is more her style for now! Oh, and they used card stock paper for the pages so it would hold up longer!

the perfect gift

2012-01-21T22:28:00.000-06:00

Rusty has been working at the home of a couple that we used to be in small group with about 4 years ago. They are moving to another side of town so they gave us a few things.... clothes for the kids, books and this great little battery powered 4-wheeler for Benjamin...

This little dude was about to come out of his skin when we woke up from nap and saw this and found out it was HIS! Andrew is second behind him in excitement...

He has wanted his own 4-wheeler since his older brothers have them and now he has one (that goes slower and is safer that he can control)! He likes being in control... A LOT... drives me a little crazy!

Notice the scarf on Benjamin... he loves it and wants to wear one every time he goes out when it is cold... he would go barefoot but not forget the scarf!

Speaking of Benjamin I was reminded this evening of one of the things I meant to put in the update about him... he likes the flavor of lotion, any kind or any brand. We lotion the kid down -almost daily- and tonight was one of those nights after bath I put lotion on him right away and then let him run around naked for a while... he likes it! I kept catching him licking his arms and legs... why not his hands, well because while we were still in the bathroom he licked all the lotion off his hands. STRANGE! He just tells me that it tastes good... ok!

Benjamin also had his first dentist appointment a couple of weeks ago. He has a pretty bad under bite so in about a year we are looking at having to pull his top jaw out and push his bottom jaw in. This will be done by wearing some sort of head gear at night. Other than that (not so) minor thing he is great. He loved the hygienist and dentist and wants to go back... not me, 6 of us at the dentist with no insurance is not fun for Mama! BUT if you happen to read this blog and you live in Murfreesboro and you need a dentist DR. GRIDER is your man. AWESOME! And that is putting it lightly! He knows his patients, he knows we pay cash and helps us out a little, he does not push any treatment or procedure and he and his staff are SO good with the kids... a blessing to us!

I also should have mentioned in my update post that Benjamin gets his body parts confused (he knows his male parts but his others he is confused about them). Like today his nose was cold and he needed a hat... he was pointing to his ears... funny but crazy. Hope knows her eyes from her nose from her hands from her back... you get the point!

Crazy life here...

october baby

2012-01-20T00:28:00.000-06:00

mentioned that i was going to see that tonight... AMAZING! posted about it here...

THE 1:27 CALL

and had a great dinner date with rusty and some long time friends of ours!

the movie was really amazing and as we understand they need a HUGE turnout opening weekend... this is what all film producers hope for. all i know is that we NEED more films like this one... PLEASE GO SEE IT IN MARCH! it is only being shown in the south, the north and west want nothing to do with abortion survivors or the truth that a baby is a baby from the time of conception!

update on the little kids

2012-01-17T11:57:00.000-06:00

We have made some more progress and have areas to work on here.

BENJAMIN
He is not peeing in his pants at all any more... I can't really remember when it stopped but it has been a while since he has done it. He is also out of diapers at nap time, finally. He still wears them at night and wakes up soaked every morning.

He is also not licking everything he touches or comes in contact with now. He does still put A LOT of stuff in his mouth but that has decreased from where it was.

We have chosen to keep him very close to us over the past 7+ months. He has always been very quick to want to go home with people that have been at our house or stay with those we visit. He doesn't cry to go or stay now but he still will say a definite YES if people ask him if he wants to go or stay with them. I have repeatedly told him that he is mine and that I really need him to be with me so he often says "you mine mama, you mine"... I hope he is getting it. Benjamin has never shown fear of being without us... he freely walks away in public settings and acts very strong and independent. BUT we had what I would call a BREAK THROUGH MOMENT... when we were at Toys R Us (the day we went to the zoo) we were shopping and he did not follow us to the next isle and when he looked up and realized we were gone he panicked! The sound of your child being lost and full of fear usually hurts BUT this time I smiled so big and yelled to Rusty... DO YOU HEAR THAT? It is hard to put into word what went on there but for the first time he was scared and fearful that he was alone... or that is how we perceived it anyway. To me this is progress! I scooped him up when he came around the corner. As I stated above we have kept him very close, taking care of his needs and for the first time we sent him to class at church... this past Wednesday night. He loved it and did great.

Benjamin is very affectionate with us and others... we would prefer that the very hands on affection be with us. We encourage him to hug and high five but try to let him love on us (very hands on) and not others in the same way.

He still loves to pray and when he started he always prayed and thanked God for food and water and now he opens every prayer with thank you for my family and then a lot of times lists all of our names.

Benjamin can play with play dough for an hour straight!

He has a huge sweet tooth. Last night I took Aubrey, Carter, Andrew and Benjamin to a MLK Jr. service in Franklin and on the way home we stopped by Sonic and Benjamin's cone started to drip so I wrapped a receipt around it (he had already used the 3 napkins the lady gave us). A few minutes later Aubrey screams (very dramatic at times) and then I am told he has eaten part of the receipt and the paper that came on the cone... hey, it was cover with ice cream! He has done this before but last time ate all of the paper!!

He still refuses to talk about anything from Rwanda.

He definitely knows the color red and that is it in the color department. He knows some letters and recognizes a B from a mile away and yells B for BENJAMIN. He also tells people that it is A for Aubrey, Andrew and Alli and H for Hope and R for Daddy (Rusty)... confusing, I know.

He has an imagination like none I have ever seen. Last night after dinner he was flying in his airplane and shooting and catching all the animals like giraffes, horses and bears! And he is the king of sound effects!

HOPE
She is now potty trained, no diapers at nap and wakes up dry most mornings (still in diapers then). She has a very strong will and we think that is why she potty trained early, what we consider early anyway. We did not instigate this, she did! It began a few months ago with her saying poo poo and then going in her diaper minutes later. After a couple of weeks of this routine I began to put her on the potty and she would go. We did this for about 2 months and then she "accidentally" peed in the potty and we had a celebration and gave her an M&M and then it took off from there. She seemed so young that I did not buy her underwear. I did put Benjamin's on her a few days then when my mother-in-law was here before Christmas she went out and bought her some and told me not to miss my opportunity with this so she has been in underwear since the middle of December.

Hope has also moved up to a twin bed... with a rail. We did a trial nap in the big bed and then from that point on she cried to get in that bed over her crib so we moved her and took the crib down this past weekend. She has changed SO MUCH and is not at all the little girl we picked up in Rwanda in May.

She still uses the words mine and no way more than I like. She is very demanding and is not shy about telling you what she wants when she wants it! She very defiantly tells us NO when she doesn't want to go to bed, get in her car seat or anything else she doesn't feel like doing!

Hope says a variety of words, some still very hard to decipher. She is beginning to make 2-3 word sentences like "thank you, Aubrey" and "Daddy's home".

I wrote in an earlier post about her waking up for 2-3 hours at night, she hasn't done that since the week of Christmas.

Hope loves shoes and clothes... I mean LOVES them!!

Hope can tear a room apart in a matter of minutes so I feel like I am constantly picking up after her if she is left unattended for any amount of time... she also loves to get in my bathroom and gets into make-up and anything with a top! She does spend time on a blanket while we do Bible for school and still has some pack-n-play time... so that helps. In place of her crib she has a huge doll house that Rusty's dad built years ago for his niece. After he passed away in 2002 Aubrey was given it as a gift. Benjamin possibly likes it more than Hope!

Hope comes to me daily with a book in hand and says "lap mama, book". She LOVES to be read to but her favorite book contains no words, it is the picture book that Becky made of our Rwanda trip!

Tomorrow Hope will be 20 months and she acts like she is going on 13 years!

AS A WHOLE...
Things have been harder with the colder weather, much more time inside and that is hard for me. Andrew and Benjamin continue to grow closer but Andrew still tries to parent him too much! Rusty and I are REALLY looking forward to a date night with friends this Thursday night! We are going to preview the movie October Baby... will let you know how we like it!

As with most update posts, I am sure I forgot details that I wanted to share but that is how my brain rolls these days:)

i finished it

2012-01-16T14:48:00.000-06:00

In a few short days I read Kisses From Katie. I was very familiar with her story... she is from the next county over and when her ministry began word spread here quickly. I have seen and met her a few times and have read her entire blog. And still I puddled up tears on my pillow to the very end of the book... and I knew the bulk of the story!

I can't begin to put into words what I took away from this book or how much more unsettled it made me feel (a "feeling" that I have somewhat been trying to figure out for about 2 years, maybe longer). What in the world am I doing in this world and where is God calling me/us??? How am I fulfilling God's command to love the least of these??? I am not saying the least of these in another country full time (although, one day that might be the case) I am saying the least of these in Murfreesboro, TN (or middle Tennessee). And how do I home school (which keeps us here all day) and still reach out??? We have next door neighbors on one side that practice witch craft and the other side is a Mom and her 18 and 13 year old sons and her boyfriend. We have befriended both. When we invited the witch craft neighbors to church a few years ago our communication with them went way down (they declined in case you were wondering). And we befriended the 13 year old boy on the other side and then he was here everyday and when he was not "with" us he sat in our driveway.  He began lying to the kids, playing too roughly or closely with Aubrey (our 11 year old daughter) that we had to tell him not to come everyday and he has nearly disappeared. So how do you reach out and still protect your children from things they do not need to be exposed to??? I need clarity. I need guidance and direction and wisdom.

I am a firm believer that we keep our kids TOO SAFE these days. We keep them from falling or getting hurt feelings. We keep them from loosing by putting them on sports teams that don't keep score because everyone is a winner (we have played in these leagues). We settle every dispute and argument for them. We don't expose them to things that might scare or concern them. We only give them friends like themselves (the ones that are middle/upper class just like they are). We don't take them to funerals, we lie about pets or animals dying, we keep family sicknesses from them and we only go to the McDonalds where the kids from the inner city won't be. What are we doing?  And why are we doing it? God does not call us to be safe in this way. We are trying really hard to change here in our house (actually have been working on this a while now). We let our children serve homeless men (in our church, a safe environment), they interact with kids at the children's home (lots of various back grounds and issues) and we encourage them to find the kid with no friends and befriend them.   They know about loss and heartache. We want them to be prepared for life... this life that is not easy, this life that is certain to contain trials of many kinds. God is big enough for all of it and His grace is sufficient for each step we take.

So how can we learn from one another? One thing Katie's book has challenged me to do more of is be in the Word, by myself and with my children. His word shows us how to live and what is important. We have so little time on this earth so what are we going to do with it? I want to serve others more than myself. I want to be more sacrificial than ever before... with time and money. I must always keep the end in mind... our Savior is returning, we will stand before Him and then leave it all behind, ALL. We work so hard for so many things that have no eternal value.

I want to make it very clear here that I think God has called me to raise children for the next generation. We want our kids to love Jesus and by truly loving Jesus they will love what He is about... helping the poor and needy, sharing the gospel and loving the unlovely. There is so much to learn from Jesus... everything really. So I know that I am doing the "right thing" but there is this spot that feels sort of empty. Maybe I am scared of that "spot" and what God may want to put there... I don't know. More time on my knees will reveal what I need to know.

Have you noticed that more often than we should we allow our decisions to be made out of fear? Why do we allow fear to drive us? I have been so guilty of deciding to help or attend or be a part of something because of fear of what others thought... fear of man NOT the Lord. And on the flip side I have not participated in things because of fear of the unknown... um, God does promise not to leave us for forsake us. I think for myself I like (really like) to be in control over almost everything... love to know the outcome of situations ahead of time too. Lord, help me fear you more everyday.

And why are we so busy with things that are often not of the Lord? I don't know. It makes my head spin honestly. He gave us things to enjoy, I get that but we rush and rush and we don't read scripture together, or pray together or even eat meals together because we are so busy. Knitting a family together takes work. God gave us family to have and to love and to support one another. You know your family will be around (in most cases) a lot longer than any friend or activity will. Get to know your family.

So while I am on a roll pouring all this out here, I have one more area to cover... how do we live in this world and not be of this world (its another on-going question for me)? I want to look different to the world because I have Jesus in my heart and life. I used to watch a soap opera and lots of prime time television several years ago. And one day I went to this bible study and the speaker brought up the topic of tv and asked us to evaluate what we watch. Are we spending our GOD GIVEN TIME watching things that contain adultery, homosexuality, profanity, lust and other forms of sin in them? And do we laugh at them? And by watching and laughing are we approving? And so are you possibly desensitizing yourselves to sin? And the questions went on and my heart got heavy and I knew in that room about 8 years ago things had to change. And now being away from the tv for so long I am appalled at what I often view at other places and my heart is heavy with the sin filled shows we call entertainment! Fast from tv for 1 month and see if you are not changed in some way. And with that said the thing we have to guard against here in our house is the computer... wasting our GOD GIVEN TIME on the computer to do what... look at facebook, read blogs, just dilly dally to pass the time! I do have to say that blogs have helped me grow spiritually, informed me of things that I have found useful so what I am discovering is that moderation is key. I have also wasted a lot of time reading blogs. The people like Kaite and others we know on the mission field here and in other countries all have the same amount of time I do everyday... the same amount of time that they use to serve and study and grow and lead. So I have to be better at how I choose to spend my time.

I am literally all over the road here, my jumbled thoughts spilled out.  I guess I should just have said read Katie's book... if you are ready to receive it (being stirred to be used by God), you will be challenged and if you are not than it is a great story of a young Godly woman and you'll enjoy it anyway!

I need more of Jesus and less of myself, desperately.
I need to give and understand grace better than I do.
I need to be a better listener.
I need to let my defenses down.
I need to cry more in front of my children when the things of the Lord break my heart.

I simply need more of Jesus. A lot more.

we've been to the zoo

2012-01-06T21:12:00.000-06:00

we took the liberty of taking all this week off from school... it has been great!

today we were going to do some returns, spend a few gift cards and go to the park. when rusty saw the weather forecast (upper 60's IN JANUARY) and heard what we were doing he wanted to join in. he did a couple of quick jobs, came home a little after 10 and we hopped in the car. we made a stop at kohls, at toys-r-us and then at chick-fil-a (we loved getting gift cards to eat here)! from there we dropped off some tractor parts to be worked on and headed to the nashville zoo.

hope liked the animals much more so than benjamin, he is simply scared of them, not terrified but scared and uncertain.

if an animal made a noise, hope imitated that noise (and she was pretty good at it too)... just needed a video camera instead of a still camera!

every 4 legged furry animal was horse and a bird is a bird, whether a sparrow or a beautiful exotic bird... according to hope! and she was intrigued by this horse (or goat as we call it)...

and this one...

i am beginning to realize that this post may contain a lot of pictures...

oh the energy of this little one...

just got done checking out the aligators!!

benjamin COULD NOT wait to see this animal... or so he thought...

i think the giraffe was a little, just slightly bigger than b was expecting!!! he hid behind rusty when he saw it!

the next 4 pictures I LOVE, probably should be a post all of their own. this is benjamin's REAL smile... we rarely catch this on camera...

man i love that boy!!!

Benjamin got to ride his very first carousel...

one of the great things about the nashville zoo is the playground, the kids love it!

it was fun , a lot fun and full of new discovery and exploration!

benjamin's favorite things were the fish, the flamingos and the playground and carousel!
hope took it all in and cried when we left, she is so intrigued by animals!
my highlight (as far as animals go) was seeing a mama wallaby carrying her albino little one in her pouch... incredible!

i loved watching the kids faces as they see new things and i love to be reminded of how great our god is... if you don't believe in our almighty creator GO TO THE ZOO... the evidence is plentiful! what amazing works HE has done!

as requested

2012-01-05T20:37:00.000-06:00

so last year this was 1 of the 2 pictures on our christmas card...
(i pulled it off shutterfly and the quality went way down)

if you did not see it, i talked about filling the empty chairs hopefully by christmas 2011...

well, my intention was to take a picture with the chairs filled for our christmas card this year (2012)... actually that was the intention and then i forgot!

i had several people tell me that they couldn't wait to see the card with the new "chair picture"... that was after i had ordered pictures ro go with our first ever christmas letter!!

so then after people received our card/letter several more people said they could not believe that i did not use a "chair picture"... where were you people and your reminders in early dec.????

i totally would have done that one... no doubt.

anyway, i took some pictues today of the kids in the chairs.

i would say total failure!

apparently the sun was hitting my lens, much to my unawareness! and it is just hard to get 5 kids to look or smile at the same time!

between the little 2 acting silly and everyone laughing (except me)... it was suppose to be a simple shot... it wasn't... i did not get a good picture, at all...

here are a few...

i guess they are not horrible but not what i was expecting, oh well!

so there you have it... THE CHAIR PICTURES!

and this is just about the way hope felt about the whole thing...

a new beginning... 2012

2012-01-02T14:42:00.000-06:00

The first picture of the new year...

The big kids stayed up until midnight to ring in the new year!

And wanted to share this...

Philippians 3: 7-14
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Revelation 21:5
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

We are looking forward to a new year here... wanting to serve each other better in our home and serve those outside of our home in new ways. We need new eyes and ears to see and hear where God is calling us or what He is calling us to.

today

2011-12-28T00:01:00.002-06:00

Today 5 of the 6 of us stayed in our pjs all day long.

Today the kids slept late... Carter until 12:30.

Today Hope took a 4 hour nap (in a twin bed) after sleeping 14 hours the night before and taking a 4.5 hour nap the day before.

Today I blogged a lot.

Today the house was a wreck, especially the kitchen and Rusty cleaned it up after a full day of work!

Today the kids watched lots of movies.

Today we ate leftovers for lunch and dinner... choose what you want. Hope downed about a pound of of sweet potato casserole.

Today the kids played with new toys.

Today I did not accomplish much.

Today was cold and rainy.

Today I started the book Kisses from Kaite.

Today was a lazy and unproductive day but it was just what I needed!

Tonight I took pictures of Hope (for a calendar that Rusty's aunt puts together) and this is one of the 54 shots I took...

I have no ability or skill with indoor photography (not really any outdoors either, just do better with natural light)... she was a ham and I didn't really get any great pics!

cookies with cousins

2011-12-27T23:17:00.000-06:00

Cookie decorating is always fun BUT even more FUN with COUSINS!

IN LOVE WITH SUGAR!!! Just eating some sprinkles here! And licking lots of icing!

We had some hard and creative workers!

christmas eve and christmas day 2011

2011-12-27T22:48:00.001-06:00

This post will not be full of pictures, we did not take many. It is hard to decide when to take pictures and when to just participate and fully engage in what is going on. Rusty used to LOVE photography but he is burned out so now it is more me than him! Back to Christmas...

We took it easy most of the day. We went to a Christmas Eve service with Rusty's mom and his brother and his family (they were staying here with us). And I might add that I loved it, the company! Growing up there was always a crowd at Christmas and people sleeping on the floor (the kids anyway) and we did that here. Truly my fondest memories revolved around cousins! We had take out Chinese that night and then the adults watched The Nativity Story, we love that movie. We went to bed entirely too late (like after 2am). We got up Christmas morning and the kids opened their stockings and then we headed to church for an awesome service by Pastor Scotty Smith. We came home, opened gifts, ate and then napped (the adults and Hope and Benjamin did). We got up and went to my brothers and saw my parents, ate again and opened some more gifts.

Rusty's mom made all the girls dresses... so cute but I do not have a picture of them in the dresses, so sad. And the dress that Hope wore Christmas Eve... ADORABLE... a friend made it, I will have to get a picture of Hope in it soon.

Hope and Benjamin had fun all around. Their favorite thing was having Allison, their cousin, spend the night... benjamin even asked today if we were going to Alli's house today. He did not get enough of her!

Hope could take or leave presents. She does have a new Cozy Coup that she LOVES, thanks P & A! Benjamin wanted to know "where is my one more present"?? He caught on quickly! I would say his favorite gift was a microphone, go figure (as if he isn't already LOUD enough)!

A good first Christmas for H & B being with us. Not real sure what I expected but it was good! Emotional at times.

The kids opened their gifts from MaSue Christmas Eve night...

Sunday, Christmas morning, we had to wake all of the kids up at 7:30! Had to leave for church at 8:15!

After church...

No family pic:(

And upon noticing my gift from Andrew tonight, I had to take a picture and post it... this boy was SUPER excited to give this to me. I love him!

Guess what it is????

Air Freshener! He gathered some shell form a past trip to FL, put them in a pickle jar, poured in a bottle of air freshener, diluted it with water and then somehow attached a pump to the lid. This kid cracks me up! We had lots of handmade or hand altered gifts here this year but this wins the prize!

baking and making

2011-12-27T17:26:00.001-06:00

Another tradition we have always done is making candy and baking cookies and giving them away. So we brought MaSue in on it this year and we made lots of goodies...

We also made turtles and used the cookie press to make lots of cookies BUT I didn't get any pictures of those things nor did I get a picture of the finished plates! The kids had fun, some people we talked to and others we dropped and ran (really drove)! We always give to our neighbors and then we chose others who might not expect it! The kids love it! Benjamin wanted to get out at every stop, he didn't!

Then we built our annual gingerbread house. This year there was no adult help at all!

I smile for sugar:)

And we have a couple of icing lovers on our hands...

The FULL FISTED licker!

And those same icing lovers were sneaking finger fulls of icing and pieces of candy all night!

The next morning the house was bare... mostly due to Benjamin:)

pockets

2011-12-27T15:24:00.001-06:00

When we came home this summer someone gave Hope several of these hoodie shirts with pockets. She loves them! And her hands stay in her pockets all day when she wears one. Random post but thought she was too stinkin cute not to share!

And there is Benjamin... you would NEVER know that he was shouting PICTURE OF ME just seconds before this picture...

Then I asked for a smile and got this cheesy grin:)

He is learning to smile more and more but it does not come natural for him at all. It makes me sad but also so glad that we can have him here and give him reasons to smile! And his best smiles are in my lap with full attention and me telling him that I love him and that he is mine. And then he tells me YOU MINE MAMA and gives me the biggest wettest kiss you have ever seen from a 4 year old! LOVE IT!

old spaghetti factory and opryland hotel

2011-12-26T12:00:00.001-06:00

Almost every Christmas season we take the kids to Opryland Hotel to see the lights... always an exciting and fun time. This year we were blessed to have Rusty's mom with us for about 10 days so we took her along and of course it was Hope and Benjamin's first time to go. Before saw the lights we went to The Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Nashville (this is where we had our rehearsal dinner as when we got married). Fun night and more crowded than I expected for Monday night!!

sweet sisters:)

a barrel (or should I say bench) full of monkeys!

Andrew taught Hope to say, NANA NANA BOO BOO and to stick her fingers in her ears while saying it... lovely!

AMAZED at the lights and decorations...

Ma Sue (or Ma Moo as Hope affectionately says) with 5 of her 10 grandchildren!

Fascinated by the water...

And the many faces of Hope, all in about 3 seconds...

He did SO good to be in a huge place with a huge crowd!! So Proud!

There are horse and carriage rides at the hotel. Benjamin likes horses almost as much as he did dogs when we first came home (if you don't know he HATED, very much hated, them)... he was intrigued with this set up...

A good night for us all...

carter is 10

2011-12-18T06:00:00.000-06:00

Our boy the night before his 10th birthday...

and looking back just a little...

Carter LOVED being a cowboy...

a tractor driver early on...

a lover of the outdoors...

Carter loves legos... he loves to build and design and create.

He loves sushi, seafood and baked potatoes.

The trampoline and his bike are his favorite outdoor activities.

He is a nurturer. A great big and little brother.

Carter pays attention to detail and asks a lot of questions.

He loves to know how things work.

Blessed to have him as my oldest son!

LOVE this gift

2011-12-17T22:36:00.000-06:00

received this from my brother and sister-in-law...

I LOVE IT!

it is on our tree now... up high, so that it can't be touched by little fingers:)

This was purchased to help support the

WALLACE'S ADOPTION!

It is the perfect gift!

boys and injuries

2011-12-16T13:19:00.000-06:00

Rusty's Mom is coming to town today and staying until the 26th... the kids can't wait. They are always excited about her visits and count down the days until she arrives.

Anyway, Andrew's level of excitement elevated greatly last night when he was sewing, yes you heard me right, sewing! He was making his cousin Cooper a blanket on Aubrey's sewing machine (Aubrey and I were not home and he assured Rusty that we had given his lessons, yeah right)!

When Rusty was putting the 2 little ones to bed he started to hear a commotion downstairs and as the voices grew louder and more panicked, he ran down to discover that Andrew had ran the sewing needle through his finger...

It went in by his fingernail and out the bottom side and broke OFF in his finger. Fortunately the point was hanging out of the bottom of his finger (with the top end no where in sight). So Rusty got the tweezers and pulled it right out... really glad I wasn't here, I know it is selfish! So now Andrew CAN'T WAIT for his MaSue to be here so he can SHOW and TELL her all about. It has been the topic of discussion ALL DAY LONG! Boys LOVE to tell about their injuries... he was so tough and NEVER cried during the whole ordeal!

SO to leave this post on a different note, I snapped this picture of Hope earlier this week...

She loves JACKETS, CLOTHES and SHOES and earlier had on the boots in the picture with nothing else.... missed that shot, oh well! Those brown buns with the black boots was just too cute!

She is into EVERYTHING around here!

ministry highlights

2011-12-16T00:03:00.000-06:00

The Christmas season always highlights ministries in a different way than any other time of the year. This week we have been focusing on 2 that we are directly involved with...

Tuesday night we were at the Children's Home board meeting/ Christmas Party. Check out their new UPDATE website... GOOD SHEPHERD CHILDREN'S HOME! We are hopeful that a new director will be in place early next year and we are also excited about a current project called ADOPT A ROOM... there has been A LOT of work going on out there to get this place back in shape (up to date)... amazing progress is being made! Another great benefit to the new website is that you can get a very up-to-date NEEDS LIST through the blog. We are praying for new children to come that can be served in this home.

Tonight THE 1:27 CALL hosted (for the 3rd year) a Christmas party for the Foster Care Children of Rutherford County. We had a packed house with families from DCS, Omni Vision and Youth Villages. This year the kids not only got a toy but a bible (most of them the Jesus Story Book Bible, the older ones got something a little different). I was so surprised to see how many kids opened them and flipped through the pages with smiles on their faces. And a few times I stood back and watched the children... all these children in some sort of transition (100 children). It continues to stir this uneasiness inside of me and causes me to ask (again)... why am I here on this earth in the state of TN... what does God have for me. I know the answer to some of it but I think there is a lot more I am missing.

AND we have the ROOM IN THE INN Christmas dinner with 15 homeless men this Sunday night (a regularly scheduled event) BUT the kids are excited becauase it is Christmas. We are purchasing knit hats for each man... our Sunday School class is making gift bags and each famiy is contributing in some way. I always like when we can involved the kids first hand... this ministry does just that and it humbles us, all of us in some way.

So please pray for these ministries by name. Pray that the Lord directs each one and that he alone gets the glory for all the good that happens there. It is so easy to pat ourselves on the back... how simple minded we are.

Find ways to get involved... it will change you life!

real brothers

2011-12-15T22:07:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Carter tells me that Benjamin is just like a real brother now. I asked him to give me more detail and he says... "well, when we first came home with Benjamin he listened to everything I said, he did everything I asked and now he doesn't always listen to me and even yells at me sometimes"! He gets it! TRUE BROTHERS... can be best of friends or get under each others skin!

the rest of the weekend

2011-12-12T15:11:00.002-06:00

Saturday evening we went to our friend's house to have pizza, bake and decorate cookies and paint ornaments together... of course, there was lots of talking among the adults and playing among the children. This has become another tradition for our family... spending an evening with our friends, the Wrathers, in December. My friend, Robin, in some ways put more into our adoption than I did. She is the type of friend that shows up at just the right time with just the right thing in hand or thing to say. She thinks in areas that sometimes I forget to. Even though the time we spend together is less than it used to be due to more time needed for home schooling and more time needed to tend to the two little ones, she is still always there.

Benjamin "drying" his ornament:)

Gavin and Benjamin. Best buddies!

Notice the dads while all the cookie decorating is going on...

they did get up from the couch and I think intended to help! HA!

Oh, she found some sugar!

Aubrey working really hard!

Reese and Andrew... a fun friendship!

Carter and Gavin.

And this is sweet Hope when she was told that (after 2 or 3 cookies) that more cookies were OFF LIMITS! She can pout with the best of them!

AND last but certainly NOT LEAST.... drum roll please...
RUSTY AND I WENT TO LUNCH AND WENT SHOPPING SUNDAY... K I D F R E E for the first time in over 7 months, WOW! We NEEDED that and now we need a weekend away with no agenda what so ever! And we have offers of people to keep them, it will happen in the new year!

So the kids went to my brothers (which they LOVE)! They counted down the days to go stay with Aunt Autumn, Uncle Paul and cousin Cooper-- IT is always FUN there! We actually do get to see them almost every Sunday, we go to church with them now and Paul and Autumn are so gracious to us. They have us over for lunch a lot (5 kids and all). It has been one of the greatest things about changing churches, getting to see them and both of my parents regularly.

So this busy weekend was fun and full but not stressful and that is just the way I like it... if it has to be busy!

christmas bazaar

2011-12-10T15:28:00.001-06:00

Today the 3 older kids got to test out their entrepreneurial skills.

The boys made and sold slings shots, rubberband guns and homemade candy cane playdough. They each made about $30.

Aubrey sewed some waist aprons, made some beaded bracelets and made spiced tea mix. She also made about $30. The shoppers enjoyed the free samples of tea!

It was a lot of fun and the kids even learned a little bartering skills at the end, trading their goods for others.

They have been chattering since they have been home, making plans for next time!

Aubrey is wrapping some gifts she purchased there and the boys are delivering baked goods to neighbors!

peter

2011-12-10T08:58:00.001-06:00

So last night we got to see Peter who was our POA in Rwanda for our adoption. If you followed our story you know that Peter and Fidele picked us up from the airport on Sunday and on Monday we had lunch with him at Africa Bite and then he was in a horrible motorcycle that almost took his life... we got to hear the whole story first hand this time. Anyway, it was a great night to reconnect with him and be with 3 other Rwandan adoptive families... in those families there are 4 other children within 6 months of Hope. Benjamin surpasses them all by at least a couple of years. There is one other family that is pretty local (within 45 mins) that wasn't able to make it and the VERY cool thing about it all is that we knew none of them until our adoption was almost completed... 2 of the famileis we met for the first time last night. What a blessing to have this community of people!

We also had the treat of seeing William (the Rwandan man with AfricanLeadership that we met at church a while back) and meeting his beautiful wife for the first time. She said to me as we were leaving... we will create a villiage here (our lawyer said a similar thing so I smiled big at this one).

Anyway, this evening was amazing, just what we needed!

We took a pic or 2 BUT the family that hosted us took a pic of all the Rwandan kids with Peter and then each famiy with Peter and we will get copies of those at some point.

this is Crew with Hope...
Crew is one month younger than Hope and they are in the nursery at church together!

Thomas, William and Hope... Thomas is 3 months older than Hope.

The other 2 kiddos left a little earlier and we didn't get their picture (they are in teh group pic) but that lillte boy (2 months younger than Hope) and girl (5 months younger than Hope) are super precious too!!! William wanted me to email him the above pic and I did and he said, "I look like their Grandpa". He acts like it too, he and his wife LOVE these children as does Peter! Peter is taking all of his pictures back and taking them to the orphanage to show the sisters:)

One thing that continues to amaze and humble me is how well the Rwandan people love everyone! That has been our experience anyway.

CONSIDER PRAYING WITH US PLEASE!
If you have adopted from Rwanda and your child/children came from Home of Hope you most likely met a 9 year old little girl, by far the oldest child there. Peter knows her well and was telling us more about her. She WANTS A FAMILY for her own... desparately! She asks Peter all the time when her family is coming and asks him PLEASE to bring her one. And wants to know why all these children are chosen and time and time again and not her! This little girl has also told the head nun that she knows that she picks the children for the families and is begging her to pick a family for her. Most kids "age out" of HOH at 6 but for some reason not this little girl. When we were there we did not interact with her, a volunteer was helping her with school work (she attends the school right behind the orphanage). So now we pray more desparately that adoptions would re-open and the God would send this child a family of her own... PLEASE PRAY FOR HER!

just a few thoughts

2011-12-09T13:10:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I made the lame decision to go to Kroger at 4:30 with all 5 kids... 3 of which were in rare form. Dragging myself, the race car buggy and 3 walking kids through the overly crowded isles looking for items that I don't normally purchase was a very poor decision! I do have to hand it to Kroger though, the wait in the check-out line was not bad at all. I consider it a blessing!

Last night when Benjamin went to bed (I should post a pic of his bed, FULL of junk)... he said, my stuff is hurting me. Carter dug under his covers he pulled out a ton of junk... a singing dog, a wooden spoon, cars, a race metal and much more. I'm sure it did hurt! But think about his words... MY STUFF IS HURTING ME! How many of us have "stuff", material stuff, that is hurting us? I know I do!

And.... stuff makes me think of Christmas. Lots of people have asked Benjamin if he is excited about Santa and he looks at them like he has no clue what they are talking about and he doesn't. We aren't embarking on that with him. Our older 3 know the truth and at this point in time I am much more concerned with the hearts of Hope and Benjamin knowing all they can about our Jesus, our Savior. Trust me, I think in no way that Santa is bad BUT for us we are done with that phase. At the early age of 5 Carter told us that it is just simply not possible for any man to get around the world in one night and deer can't have noses that glow red. And if there are people in places like Africa that don't have food he just can't be real... UM HELLO! (He also asked why some friends get $1000 worth of goods and he only gets $25-50, cause we don't choose to spend that kinda $ buddy!) At that point we no longer believed but we pretended... it was fun. We still do stockings and celebrate with a few gifts but it is not Santa centered... we try (and fail often) to make it Christ centered. And we try to celebrate Christ all year long not just in December. We do love Christmas and love to celebrate it but we weren't willing to lie to our children about it! Enough about that!

TODAY- Put the 2 little ones in the bathtub for an hour... sweet relief for a bit of time!

Hope continues to sing Happy Birthday... this has been since we went to KY and Benjamin and Allie sang it over and over... it is SO CUTE, can't wait till she sings the whole thing!

The kids have been busy (the older 3) making things to sell at the Home School Christmas Bazaar tomorrow at the Boys and Girls Club from 10-2... will take some pics tomorrow and do a post about the sale. I am liking this encouragement to be entrepreneurs! It is a lot of work on us all... the past 2 nights they have been in bed at 11:30!

We have a busy weekend ahead so hopefully I will be doing several posts to remember these times by!

This is Benjamin before he went outside to play for a while today...

love his style... he always knows EXACTLY what he wants to wear!!

OH WAIT MAMA... TAKE MY PICTURE WITH THIS...

The little ones are napping and NOW I am going to get a shower... it has been a few days, that's life around here sometimes!

just a bit of snow

2011-12-07T13:15:00.001-06:00

According to Benjamin snow is...

good to eat

cold to touch

very wet

yummy

and fun!

Little does he know how fun this could really be!!!

tried to save some but it just kept going away... the mystery of snow!

christmas tree cutting

2011-12-06T13:51:00.001-06:00

It is by far our most favorite tradition at Christmas time. We are all together, we work together, we make a decision together and then we go home and sort though ornaments that have such significant meaning to us, to others they are just ordinary ornaments. For example we have a bear fishing... to some that is goofy and means nothing BUT for us it is a constant reminder of the beautiful woman who gave it to us to remind us to always be fishers of men, the same lady who gave up hours of her time to sit and talk and pray with us. In our house this is a highly anticipated and really fun day! So I have pictures, of course! This way totally cool to Benjamin, totally!

Hope got to ride on Daddy's shoulders due to the rough terrain.

This boy ALWAYS wants his picture taken:)

Benjamin got to use the saw to help cut down the tree...

And he learned the word T I M B E R:)

Someone was commenting on how cute the kids were and there was NO hope in getting the 2 littlest to look at the camera!

Andrew has a partner in dragging the tree back!

love the face showing how hard he is working... he has very little weight at all!

and maybe the best picture of the day... not getting her way with the hot chocolate... at this point she had calmed down, got TONS of stares as she screamed her way through the gravel lot!

hay ride time. Benjamin asked if we would see cows... he remembered from the only other hay ride he had been at in the fall!

totally a rwandan thing, he does this all of the time...

oops, someone didn't get the lights put away properly last year!!

again... mama, take my picture!

cleaning the pine needles!

and a perfect ending to the evening... hot chocolate in the mugs that have been passed down for at least 3 generations if not 4!

Great day, fun times... and we got the kids in bed and the house was a wreck... a total and complete disaster is a more accurate way to put it! We were up until 1am baking for Room In the Inn and between batches of cakes and cookies we got the dishes washed, the scattered decorations pick up, most of the parts to the nativity scene gathered back up, toys put away, laundry put away and then crashed!

target practice

2011-12-06T13:34:00.001-06:00

carter and andrew asked if they could make a deer out of a cardboard box to use for target practice with their sling shots. i said yes and never expected this...

he is supposed to be getting legs as soon as it quits raining! with cater it is always all or nothing, i shouldn't have been surprised!

piano recital

2011-12-03T00:23:00.001-06:00

Carter had his 2nd piano recital this evening. Always fun to watch him and the other students. Thankful for a great teacher (who I did not get a picture of this year).

The entire show Benjamin thought he was waiting for "his turn". And as many times as I told he him that he was not playing he still asked at the end... "MY TURN"? So we let him sit at the piano and take his turn and in his true mimicking fashion he used all his fingers and and scaled all the keys!

Took a few family shots since we have so few of all 7 of us!

My parents came and we are thankful they did... it means so much to Carter:)

6 months home

2011-12-02T08:00:00.001-06:00

That's right... as of yesterday we have had Hope and Benjamin in our home for 6 months. What an amazing and challenging 6 months it has been. But I can say in the midst of the craziness and chaos we are blessed and cringe when we think what our lives would be like without these 2 little blessings we call our son and daughter. The laughter has been abundant around here! So let me give you a bit of an update on the kids...

Benjamin- he has come so far. When we were in Rwanda we thought we had possibly made a mistake. The running away, the hitting, biting, spitting and lack of fear of authority blew us away... it was SO hard. The 2-3 hours of screaming every night to get him to sleep was draining to say the least. But the first week home he was a new child... I mean like an instant 180 degree change. Structure, love and a schedule were just what he needed. The little boy who would not make eye contact or smile is full of love- hands on love, lots of kisses and laughter that makes you want to fall out in the floor. This kid is a comedian! So is life completely perfect and rosy? NO! NO! NO! And it never will be! With the comfort of getting to know each other he has begun to test a few new boundaries... in some ways he acts like he is 2 and at other times 4, like his true age. He is learning some letters and shapes but colors are still pretty foreign... although he recently has learned red, I think. Just when I think "HE'S GOT IT" he doesn't! Still a huge eater but a little more picky. He was not speaking in complete sentences in Kinyarwandan but now he makes beautiful sentences in English. The mispronunciation of many letters is quickly resolving itself... for example now he says Carter instead of Tarter, so many examples like this but we still have work to do. The thing that has driven us a bit crazy with him is the way he has learned to speak and learned to understand. He REPEATS everything a thousand times and asks a thousand questions every way possible and those we are around that witness it think it is so cute BUT I am SO over it! Love his ability to learn but being with him all day everyday makes me want to plug my ears at night! We think he might possibly have a future career in music. He loves to sing and memorizes songs very well. He can keep a beat like no other 4 year old I have ever seen, it is amazing! A perfect nickname for him is Curious George. He loves cake and knows that Christmas is about, as he puts it... "My Jesus"... not that I think he really gets it but I love his answer when people ask. He loves loud music and loves speed in a car, on a boat, on a motorcycle or 4-wheeler. He loves to pray and I love to hear him do it! This kid is AWESOME!

Hope- Our little girl who was so sick and so shy when we got her has COME OUT OF HER SHELL, like busted out! Her personality has slowly developed but is in full swing now! She is loud and "talks" all of the time! She gets jealous if Benjamin sits in my lap. She is a champ at telling people NO when she is serious and NAW when she is playing around... a redneck African! She loves to eat and LOVES to be outside... she cries if others are out and she is not allowed to go! Her language is booming! She can say all of our names, some not as understandable as others... Carter is LawLer. She attempts to repeat everything we tell her to say. She loves to play chase and peek-a-boo. She loves Benjamin and plays with him well. She screams when I cook dinner most nights but is learning to be patient and wait... kinda! She is bossy and will quickly tell you to "get back" and push you when you are in her way... she is so not shy anymore! She does not like to be left out of anything. One thing that we can't quite figure out with her is her sleeping at night. Some nights she is up for 2 hours, give or take a little. She does not cry or call for us to get her, she talks (loudly), sings and has a little party on her own. So what this means is that I am up with her, not physically but I can hear her... I have to remove her from her room since she shares with Aubrey so she doesn't keep her up and that means she goes in a pack-n-play in our room. Rusty can sleep through 90% of it, I have never understood that amazing ability of his!

So I am sure there are lots of things that I am forgetting that I wanted to share. I attempted to get the kids on video last night and it was a flop... when I get the camera out they crawl all over me. I also wanted to have a cute little slide show done of our trip to Rwanda to get them and that didn't happen either... maybe over our Christmas break from school I will get it done or maybe just started!

Life is crazy, full, fun, exciting, exhausting and tiring but so rewarding. And I can say that this experience has been so positive that we are not closed to the idea of adopting again BUT we do not currently have plans to do so!

rutledge hill

2011-11-25T15:31:00.001-06:00

Today we visited the home that Rusty grew up in. His cousin and her family live there now so we got to catch up with them, a couple of other cousins and his aunt and uncle. Lots of fun... the kids could have stayed ALL DAY LONG!

meeting mamaw

2011-11-24T22:55:00.001-06:00

after breakfast and some food preparation we headed to rusty's grandmother's house. you can get there without taking the dirt road but we always choose it, just something neat about it for us...

after too much good food the kids had a blast on 4-wheelers and running through the cotton fields and even picking some cotton...

hope and benjamin met their other living great grandmother...

clothes line used as monkey bars!!!!

benjamin and eric (a son of rusty's cousin)... eric faithfully followed the progress of our adoptions and he finally got to meet the kids!

we put hope in the car about 30 minutes before we left and she fell asleep very quickly... worn out!

he didn't hold on long once we got in the car...

our first family photo with rusty's mom, grandmother and brothers and their families

a couple of extras...
on our way to mississippi benjamin was looking through lots of books. we have one called big brother, little brother and he loves it. he got to this page and said.... he looks like benjamin. i asked how they looked alike and he said they had the same hair (this is is first verbalized physical comparison he has made)

on wednesday night as we were getting close to ma sues house hope got a little fussy. andrew (without our knowing it) gave hope a marker to make her happy.... she was happy alright, it was everywhere, even down in her ears!

NEVER EVER A DULL MOMENT HERE!

on the road again

2011-11-23T22:06:00.001-06:00

today we left for mississippi to celebrate thanksgiving and christmas with rusty's family.
here are a few pics from the car ride (taken with my not so smart phone)...

couldn't leave home without woody...

naptime... just didnt last long enough:)

milk mustache...

bandy napped a lot!!

off to rusty's grandmother's house tomorrow... lots of new people to meet for hope and benjamin

room in the inn

2011-11-23T21:43:00.001-06:00

It's that time of year again... Room In The Inn at our church. This season our family has volunteered to make all of the desserts for this ministry. So the 1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month we will be baking and on Sunday evenings we will be serving the homeless. The kids could not wait for this to start back up... I never would have thought that they would have taken such pride in serving these men, but they do! So this past week we made 6 pies an a double batch of brownies. Carter is not usually one to help in the kitchen but this time he did and he even took the "extras" and made his own little pie for he and Andrew!

thankful for the opportunity to serve!

love em

2011-11-21T23:54:00.001-06:00

this little girl has more faces than you can imagine, i love it!

this guy is developing quite the personality (still lovin that camera)... don't you love the winter hat, winter coat and summer sandals???

all 5, smiling, wrestling and having fun...

he's got moves, lots of them and we don't know where they came from...

just his personal jam session to some michael jackson... he cracks us up all of the time (well, most of the time)!

and about the michael jackson music... my bunko group decided to do an "our favorite things" christmas gift exchange this year (such a cool idea). everyone bought their favorite thing to give to each of the other girls (less than $10). one gift i got was 2 cds with all 80's music on it, the kids love it and benjamin has found his new dance music! tried to catch him on video and the battery was dead:(

service with a smile

2011-11-21T23:04:00.001-06:00

side note... After our long rainy days inside we were blessed with several sunny and beautiful days to be outside, thank you Lord!

On Friday night Aubrey and I made some stuffed shells together (being creative with our deer meat) and during our preparation she asked if she could finish up dinner on her own and then serve everyone at the table like a waitress... she loves this kind of stuff. So I quickly agreed and she made some sweet tea, toasted some sour dough bread we made that day, made a salad and set the table. We were asked to wait in the living room and then we were promptly seated and our orders were taken. Aubrey never even ate at the table with us, she ate standing in the kitchen as she served seconds and gave refills... she loves to serve and that is one of our favorite qualities we see in her. And no post here (not usually) would be complete without pictures!!

and yes, our dinner was even eaten by candle light and dimmed over head lights... no detail left undone:)

you CAN help

2011-11-21T22:53:00.001-06:00

Most of you that read this blog know that we are a part of an orphan and foster care awareness ministry call The 1:27 Call. This will be our third Christmas to host a party for the foster children of Rutherford county.

This is where you can help if you feel led to do so...

Would you be willing to donate $10 to allow a foster child to receive a "The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name"? We have the unbelievable opportunity to bless every child that comes to the Rutherford County Foster Children Christmas Party with one of these Bibles. If you donate, we'd love for you to write a encouraging note that will be put inside the Bible(s) that you donate. You can make your tax-deductible donation online at http://the127call.org/getinvolved/donate.aspx or mail us a check to The 1:27 Call, PO Box 224, Murfreesboro, TN 37133. Thank you for making a difference in the life of a child! Please share this with others!! We are purchasing 150 of these bibles!

Our family looks for a few ways each year to be a blessing to someone or some group at Christmas time... if your kids have this bible they probably love it just like our kids do and this might be an opportunity that you are interested in! Thanks for your consideration!

today

2011-11-16T22:29:00.001-06:00

today was a long day and as a matter of fact yesterday was a long day too!

after a long wonderful weekend outdoors we have been stuck in the house for the past two days due to rain and you can tell... we have kids in rare form here.

we have had colds and have passed it around maybe twice or 3 times to some of us (except benjamin.. he must have a great immune system, he hasn't been sick at all).

i need a redo on my couch to 5k (between strep and this junk i have now i have not been running at all). frustrating. i wish i loved to run but i don't... exercise yes, running no!

knowing what i know about the world (the very little i know)... i am blessed and have no reason to complain...

i have five great kids, a fantastic husband and did get some laughs today in the middle of the chaos...

i told benjamin to go get dressed this morning and about 20 minutes later this is how i found him...

"playing" uno with no clothes in sight!

made some yummy sour dough bread for lunch and the kids devoured an entire loaf!

and tonight hope decided she wanted some coffee and this was her attempt to get it...
no, she never drank any, not a drop... i was not about to be up all night with a wide eyed child:)

so tomorrow is supposed to be bright and sunny and 51 degrees so we will be outside!

cousins

2011-11-14T21:50:00.001-06:00

Took a weekend trip to KY to see Rusty's brother and his family. There are A LOT of pictures below. And even some from deer hunting so if that is not your thing you might not want to look any further!!

best friends

this was the MOST fun the kids have had on their 4-wheelers yet...

wide open spaces, trails and lots of pavement!

The men did a little deer hunting and processing.

Rusty killed his first 2 deer, within 5 minutes of each other.

Victor killed 1 and then the next day they went to work to process and package the meat.

Some fun shots!

Benjamin and Allison loved playing together outside. Allison also LOVED being a little mommy to Hope... so sweet to watch. Aubrey and Caroline went to a Pure at Heart conference on Saturday so Andrew and Taylor were best pals ALL DAY LONG! On Sunday the oldest 3 explored the woods all day. Taylor and Andrew put a ton of miles on the 4-wheelers and they went fishing. The only thing they caught was Carson (the dog)... they were fishing with deer fat and he went for the bait. Rusty and Victor had to remove the hook from his lip. There is NEVER a dull moment when 8 children are running around. The weather was wonderful (except the wind made the deer hunting difficult). We always love going to KY to see them. The negative side... we went with colds and share them:(

the need for speed

2011-11-04T19:21:00.000-05:00

yep, another post:) crazy, i know!

anyway, this was caroline's first time to drive a 4-wheeler by herself! she did an awesome job! benjamin was in heaven because uncle victor brought his moto... he loves speed, can't get enough of it! here are a few pics from this evening...

creative carter & caroline

2011-11-04T15:37:00.003-05:00

introducing Frankenstein and Pinocchio...

volunteering

2011-11-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Our family loves to help the community. Our biggest obstacle... we are way too selfish with our time. It is hard to give it up. I hate the way I feel like I "deserve" my down time or a break. Now, I think we all need a break but I think we afford ourselves an abundance of it at times:) Adding 2 more kiddos does not make this easier but more challenging with balancing naps and what a 1 year old and 4 year old can be a part of. So today we went to GREEN HOUSE MINISTRIES and helped organize and stock the food pantry, sorted diaper and baby clothes. We have been there before and sorted lots of clothes. This ministry ROCKS, they do so much good for the community of Murfreesboro... the underprivileged. So the kids and I and Caroline went over for a few hours this morning and they all did great. Hope was done by the time we left, she was stroller bound most of the time! I grabbed on quick shot (with my not-so-good phone) where the kids were stocking bins for personal hygiene bags for the homeless...

Benjamin was VERY helpful, very, very helpful! He did the best with stacking mac-n-cheese and cereal. We hope to do this once or twice a month. If you live in the Murfreesboro area and want to give... Green House is very low on foods right now. Canned veggies (with the exception of green beans), fruit cups, Vienna sausages (used for food bags for the homeless)... you name it they probably need it. There are lots of needs there. Click on their name above to find out more about them!

.99 worth of fun

2011-11-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

So I bought this can of shaving cream weeks ago to help Benjamin with his shapes, letters and numbers... did it a lot when I taught preschool. Today it was raining all day so I got it out for all of the kids and they had fun, almost too much fun!

Benjamin loved it! He actually ate it at first thinking it was whipped cream:)

He didn't have more than 1 big lick!

Things are going down hill a bit at this point... or getting more exciting, depends who you ask:)

Oh, but the fun is not over until we have shaving cream not only on the floors but the walls too:) and the chairs!

And then the clean up... they actually did a very through job!

We will do this again, maybe a little more controlled:)

yummy dessert

2011-11-03T20:39:00.004-05:00

We have Rusty's brother with us tonight as well as one of our nieces, Caroline. Aubrey and Caroline both enjoy cooking so I let them loose in the kitchen after dinner to whip up something yummy for us to enjoy on this cold night. They decided on Chocolate Chip Bars. They prepared, baked, cleaned up and then served all of us! The men are working on Rusty's tractor project with hopes of trying to crank it up (that's southern code for start it) tonight.

Good job girls!

Everyone gave them 2 thumbs up!

a priceless gift

2011-11-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

Two years ago on Orphan Sunday (which happens to be this Sunday)

we decided to adopt. Today, as you now, we have Hope and Benjamin and truly can't imagine life without them. Part of adoption for us involved fundraising. In February of 2010 we had a dinner at Jim-N-Nick's and held a silent auction. For the auction Carter painted an African tree on a canvas. The bid even before auction day was $100. It sold for a lot of money! Our friends (who we barely knew then) bought the painting, had it framed and then gave it back to us after we came home with Hope and Benjamin. This friend said that if her son had painted it to help bring children into their family she would have wanted it in her home so she gave it to us. I LOVE IT! It hangs in our dining room:)

The frame is perfect and we never ever expected it to hang in our home but we sure are glad it does! Thanks J- and family, we love you and love the gift!

random october cuteness

2011-11-01T19:15:00.000-05:00

of the little 2:)

oh how he loves to help, this actually did help me... this time!

pack-n-play time... she gets this daily and does really good with it!

these 2 sit here every day, literally every day and they love it... a little singing with breakfast making:)

his new favorite "toy", an old film camera...

he works like a horse and always wants to help... andrew's little wheel barrow works great for him!

watching daddy cut limbs...

he loves to take care of her and also boss her around a bit:)

keeping up with the older ones!!!

halloween 2011

2011-11-01T15:46:00.000-05:00

As we have done for the past several years, we went to my cousins house for trick-or-treating. We have dinner and then let the kids have fun!

Here is part of the gang!

Carter the military... costume made out of attic finds, a new pair of pants and homemade M16!

The cutest tiger and lamb ever seen~

Andrew, Jack, Carter and Alex. Or the Ninja fighter and the military guys!

The cutest cowboy you have ever seen. I sewed 2 bandannas together for his candy bag! And he got the hang of getting candy real quickly. Each house he said, "want one more" or "let me do it" so he could grab a big handful. Benjamin even asked for someones dog! Go figure! He had a BLAST!!! Never asked to be carried or for anyone to carry his candy!

This the face that I got when I told Hope NO to eating candy!

Another fun night. I never got a good shot of Aubrey, she was an old lady.
It was another great first for Benjamin!
In fact this morning he asked if he could be a cowboy again today!!!
The kids are each saving 20 pieces of candy and the rest is going away!
I will save all M&Ms for rewards for Benjamin, amazing what a little chocolate motivation can do for a boy who LOVES chocolate!

running again

2011-10-24T22:41:00.001-05:00

So these little (or not so little feet)...

started the Couch to 5K program with me tonight! I have NEVER been a runner with the exception of a couple of years ago when I gave it a whirl with some girls from my small group. I felt great, I lost a bunch of weight and had so many added benefits as a result. So after a foot injury I quit, I didn't mean to completely quit but that is what happened. I gained my weight back and have been feeling tired a lot of the time so I have FINALLY decided I need to DO something about it. You know it is one of those areas that I have chosen rebellion in my life repeatedly, YUCK! So, Aubrey went with me tonight and the boys (Carter and Andrew) want to do it too. My plan is to alternate nights (I will just double up). Pray for me. I need diligence and endurance to do this but I am ready, I think!

the mighty mule

2011-10-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

Unusual title no doubt. The Mighty Mule is my new best friend (not really, but I do love it)! It was a gift from Rusty today.

See about 7 years ago our son Carter, at the time 2 years old, decided to drive the pink Harley Davidson Power Wheel out of our neighborhood and down the highway... very long story but in the end we built a fence around our yard. We also decided to keep part of the driveway in the fenced in area so the kids could ride their toys, use chalk or play basketball safely.

The fence went up NO PROBLEM. But the one problem we had was a gate. For a while we literally stacked boards up (if you are thinking redneck, you nailed it)!! Anyway Rusty did get around to welding a gate for us, a very nice one I might add. But we still had a problem... you have to get in and our of the car to unlatch and open it! That is great on nice days but those cold and rainy days will get you! The kids did a fair job of opening it but not we have the Mighty Mule...

So on the 17th of this month we "celebrated" our 13th wedding anniversary... not sure if I mentioned this in any other post or not but we did. We are still looking forward to going out to dinner with a gift card we have been saving from my aunt and uncle. So all that to say Rusty told me Happy Anniversary and I truly love the gift! It will save lots of time and frustration!

fall creek falls in the cold

2011-10-23T22:55:00.000-05:00

Thursday morning we headed out with our friends the Pflasterers to Fall Creek Falls (the most beautiful state park in TN in my opinion) to camp. We had fun as always. The last trip with them they took 2 kids and we took 3 so the more the merrier! We took a bunch of pictures! It was in the low 30's at night and in the 50's during the day... a little cooler than we like it but it made for great hiking weather!

Ryan and ALL the kids (not our RV, we slept in tents).

Ready for our 4 mile hike through the woods... it was successful and Hope even took a little nap in the backpack!

Aubrey and Ava, taking a break from all that walking!

And little Hope with them!

The 4 year old boys, Benjamin and Ridley! What troopers!

Elyzabeth got stuck walking the boys back across the swinging bridge (no way I could have done it, very scared of heights, especially swinging walkways with 2 little boys)!

Rusty and his mini-me!

Leaping over the water to get close to the edge of the cascades (the water was way down).

Ryan with Ava and Addyson.

Daddy giving a little love to Hope!

Rusty with Andrew and Carter... the adventurers!

Elyzabeth and Elizabeth

The Rutledge kids!

Rusty and Aubrey.

All the kids!

Many races down the slide!

Everyone watch out... the boy with no fear is on the loose!

He loves playgrounds...

Leaf piles are always fun!

too cute...

The kids built a fort in the woods and this was their final masterpiece, complete with a leaf sewn door and a bark walkway leading you into the fort!

On the road again, headed home!

Great trip but was glad to be back in my bed especially after our air mattress leaked both nights! That long hot shower was much needed too!

The kids did great. Benjamin stayed close to us rather than go into the woods with everyone else, not sure why. All the kids slept well and had fun together! Can't wait until next time!

no words

2011-10-23T15:05:00.001-05:00

This post could have been part of the last one but I felt like it needed to stand alone.

One day last week after we had completed school for the day we decided to watch our videos from when we were in Rwanda. Benjamin was right there in my lap taking it all in. We laughed and remembered and shared stories with Andrew that he had not heard yet. We did this for over an hour and then went outside as usual. At dinner that night I got up to serve Benjamin more food (as he usually eats seconds) and when I lean over him he said...

"Mama, I stay here. I no go back to Rwanda."

Yes, my heart stopped or sank or leaped... I am really not sure. I asked him to repeat himself, not sure if I had heard him correctly or not (but I should have known because the look in Rusty's eyes gave it away). Yep, there were tears, hugs and reassurance that he is here forever and that we brought him here to be a Rutledge and live with us.

For a mother who fails her children in some way each day, who wonders if her adopted children really like it here... this was music to my hears and medicine for my heart and soul.

This was huge. Benjamin NEVER EVER talks about Rwanda, the orphanages, the care takers, his friends who he lived with for almost 4 years... NOTHING AT ALL! (I do have to say with the exception of Mugisha, now Jerrod... the son of the Williams who we travelled with).

Benjamin, you are here until the Lord decides otherwise but I expect it to be a very long time!
Love you little guy! And so proud of the progress you have made!

so behind

2011-10-23T14:40:00.002-05:00

We have had lots going on but I have not found the time to post any of it, nothing new here! So here is another all in one, trying to catch up post!

You can't tell from her face but she LOVES to ride the 4-wheeler! I mean LOVES IT! She runs around chasing whoever may be on it and cries when she can't have a turn.

He makes such a great big brother. He loves to care for her and help her when she is hurt. It is so neat to watch them together.

Here is my egg cracking champ. He loves it and can crack an entire dozen with NO trouble at all!

cousin cooper got to spend the day with us... we all had fun, especially hope:)

the bike trailer attached to the jeep... yet another way benjmain is just like andrew. hope and cooper enjoyed rides around the yard!

she loves to use a fork now!

and just when we though the playset was complete, they added a real loft with carpet and some vinyl flooring on the lower floor (another scrap from a job)

here are my 2 work horses... andrew split most of this wood and benjamin would have tried if I had allowed him to!

another batch of homemade play dough... fun for all ages!

So I only lost about 8 pictures while trying to post this! But there are a few highlights!

the playset

2011-10-11T23:17:00.001-05:00

here are some of the finished product pictures! it will eventually have paint or stain but there is no hurry!

a door with a lock...

the boys built a lof to hide in...

shelving for aubrey, the decorator...

the window that I hope doesn't get broken:)

complete with sparrow nests... carter has had one "drop" on during his reading time out there!

carpet scraps... why not?

The kids have slept out there several times and the addition of the walls has made it an entirely new place to hang out. They love playing war (or something like that) when other kids come over... I need pictures of the fully dressed soliders and the combat action that takes place... FUNNY to watch... they are serious!

pumpkins and friends

2011-10-11T22:44:00.000-05:00

This week we went to the pumpkin patch (Gentry's Farm) in Franklin with some friends of ours. The kids loved the activities with their friends and I enjoyed catching up with my friends. We actually didn't buy a pumpkin or take an pictures with pumpkins but it was fun! Corn maze, hay maze, animals, hay ride, barns made for playing and wide open spaces make for tired kids!

this little girl had a ball and was over stimulated by the end of our outing!!!

"mama... smile" means, please take my picture!

these 2 have been best friends since they were 18 months old... born on the same day and in the same year!

hayrides are fun no matter what age... I used to babysit the bearded guy driving the tractor behind the kids (he lives on the farm and I think I may be getting old)

never complete without a group shot!

this is my poopy diaper, pasted my naptime, I want to swing and not get down little girl!

Always fun to have a spontaneous day out with friends!

just another day

2011-10-07T00:19:00.000-05:00

so i had my camera out a little bit today.

here is a peak at some of our happenings...

while school is in session the 2 little ones play in the boy's bedroom with a gate up part of the time (they can still see us that way). they play in this tub almost everyday (it's boat or motorcycle or tractor... anything Benjamin wants to call it). i will add that he dumps all the play mobile things out just to sit in it and he faithfully picks all of them up when he is done (after he is told to, of course). it takes him a long time but he does a complete job!

andrew is learning about apples so the older 2 joined in today... anytime paint is involved they are IN!

some of todays sea creatures for their ocean boxes...

for years the older kids know that at 7pm Odyssey comes on... instead of sitting or standing in the kitchen i found them on the patio with the laptop listening... hope went to bed a few minutes later and benjamin lost interest as usual.

a spider egg hatched today and boy were there LOTS of little spiders... totally made of think of charlotte's web!

new steering on the quadracycle...

and then I passed the camera off to rusty. aubrey and i were learning how to make soap and candles for gifts! so here are a FEW of what he took...

this could seriously be dangerous!!

my 3 boys:)

any names come to mind??

always cutting up...

and this one has to be like the others (although he has a VERY humorous side)

life is busy and full and we rarely leave the house during the week but for us it not only works we love it!

creative carter

2011-10-05T22:29:00.003-05:00

he has been at it again...

decided to make a miniature hot air balloon after reading about real ones and how they work. the flight was not impressive so back to the drawing board... this kid is always coming up with something! i am hoping he can get the next one over his head!

mtsu game

2011-10-05T22:20:00.003-05:00

Saturday night The 1:27 Call (a ministry we are a part of) hosted a fellowship at the MTSU game. Rusty smoked lots of pork and we had fun tailgating and then watching the game. The kids loved it.... a first for Hope and Benjamin.

Some of the kids that tailgated with us...

she had a ball and had a hard time standing or walking in this coat!

and everything amazed this little guy... the bounce house, the cheerleaders, the band and everything else that goes with a homecoming football game!

this week

2011-10-01T01:51:00.001-05:00

This week we took off Tues-Fri for our fall break. Aubrey went with a friend to Ohio and the rest of us went to my parent for a couple of nights (carter and andrew helped rusty start a shed project) and today has just been fun at home. We ended the day with a bonfire and marshmallows (except Hope, she was in bed). Here are some pictures...

Benjamin's personality is coming out more and more (or developing, not sure which it is). Anyway, when Rusty put the 3 boys to bed he sat down on Benjamin's bed and said, how about this..." and said something in Kinyarwandan. Benjamin would laugh and then started doing the same thing excpet he would sing pieces of songs and do little chants in Kinyarwandan and laugh. I wish I could have seen all of this but I missed it!

Off to Andrew's soccer game in the morning and then to MTSU's homecoming game with lot of adoptive families!

september 27

2011-09-27T08:09:00.002-05:00

BENJAMIN HABIMANA RUTLEDGE

September 27, 2007 is the given day for Benjamin's birthday! We know that it is estimated and we decided to keep it that day since Rusty's brother's birthday is the 26th and our niece's is the 28th... it fits nicely in between! Our son has turned 4!

Here is Benjamin the day he entered Home of Hope...

Here is our referral picture of Benjamin...
(don't be jealous of the pants)

This was taken the day we met Benjamin...

Saturday we celebrated this little boy's life. We had our parents here (Rusty's mom graciously made the 7 hour drive), my brother and his family and our best friends. It was small, it was simple and it was perfect for the first party that Benjamin has ever had.

We had pizza.

Aubrey had games and prizes for the kids (there were only 3 other kids besides our own)! The adults even participated in a couple of games... again, it was simple and fun.

I made Benjamin's cake simply because I wanted to... he loved it! He sat and starred at it when he woke up from his nap (it is NO work of art but he loves his motor cars)! I did ask Benjamin what he wanted on his cake (ex: motorcycles, cars, etc) and he said "UMMMM... Alli" (his cousin)! He loves her, A LOT!

He sang Happy Birthday to himself... along with us!

And then there were gifts. He opened the first one and said, "IT IS MINE?". Yes, it is yours. He loved it. He was thankful and a bit overwhelmed. It didn't help that he had Andrew (who LOVES presents) was tossing him one right after the other. The favorite gift of the evening... a blower complete with goggles! He was actually using Rusty's this very day and it was all he could do to hold it up.

Since the gifts were overwhelming enough we didn't open cards (with the exception of one) until the next day. His buddy Gavin picked out a card with Woody on it and it sang You've Gotta Friend In Me when he opened it. He has played it over and over and over. So on Sunday when we opened cards he asked, "is it noisy?" and then again on Monday when some came in the mail... "is it noisy"? I think he had a fun birthday!

Even though Benjamin unwrapped all of his gifts that night we did not "open" them all right away. We opened a couple Saturday night, then a couple on Sunday morning, then one that evening, another Monday morning and Monday night the last one was opened and put together. It has been exciting to watch him play with and explore new things.

So a bit about our boy...

Favorite foods are peanut butter, eggs, chocolate, pizza and bananas.

He loves ANYTHING with a motor and loves speed. When he rides on the 4-wheeler he says... "I need it faster".

He LOVES music but is dancing less, it makes me sad. In the car he says... "I need a song" and then says... "I need it LOUD". Cracks us up!

He has learned to play by himself. He even talks as he moves cars or people around... this is progress!

He loves to cut up. He talks in funny voices and even has a made-up talk that he does when he is goofing off. His personality is developing!

He loves Woody from Toy Story even though he has not seen the movie. When we first came home he was fascinated with and loved Aubrey's dolls. It took several tries with different things but we finally diverted him to Woody stuffed animals so he sleeps with "2 Woodys" every night. They do not have to go with him, just sleep with him. He does not hold them in bed, they just lay beside him. He has had them taken away and was sad but slept great none the less.

Benjamin has made a lot of progress since we have been home. He can speak in 6-8 word sentences now. He is recognizing some letters, shapes and numbers... I need to work on colors!

One thing that stills annoys us is if you ask him a question and he can't answer you in English he just refuses to talk.

He is still very curious and still amazes us HOW MUCH he is like Andrew. He greets us with a very happy GOOD MORNING, MAMA and GOOD MORNING, DADDY everyday. His hugs have greatly increased and so have his smiles. I love the way he laughs:)

He still loves to wear button up shirts!

Benjamin has started praying any chance he gets (meal time, bed time and so forth). He began the first few weeks with always saying thank you for water, family and food. I have to say that he would not pray at all at first, then he began repeating prayers and now he does them on his own and wants to be the one to pray if only one person is and wants to pray first when we go around. We never had him thank God (repeating after us) for water or food and those are the 2 things that he repeatedly prays for. I just wonder if he gets it... that he realizes and is thankful for food and water daily and abundantly. So now when he prays he says those things but adds in something he did during the day or thanks the Lord for one or more of us by name. It is heart warming to hear this come from his mouth.

We are almost 4 months home now.

Here is our big 4 year old on his birthday...

We can't wait to celebrate more birthdays with this special little guys!

william

2011-09-25T21:28:00.003-05:00

Today at church we went to an international missions lunch. We heard from about 4 different ministries our church supports and were given ways to get involved.

My Favorite was meeting William from Rwanda. He brought his wife and 4 children here after the genocide... they survived. We talked with William and his daughter (now 29 years old) and they both spoke to the kids. William loved Benjamin's name (the Habimana part)! His smile was delightful. He got down on his knees and spoke to Benjamin in Kinyarwandan. Benjamin was nervous, his hands were moving the entire time and the look in his eyes gave it away as well... really very strange behavior for him. He shyly answered William's questions... all in English! He understood everything but would only answer in English. William gave us his contact information and wants to stay in touch. We are pleased to have a new friend. He runs Africa Leadership here locally.

I think I have mentioned that Benjamin will not talk about any of the kids from the orphanage (ones that I am certain he knows). He also will not discuss any pictures from the orphanage, either orphanage for that matter. May be related to why he was shy with William.

One more random but joyful moment for me this weekend...
Friday I was getting ready and Benjamin pulled out a 2 pack of face pads... the ones you put make-up on with. He asked me what they were and I told him. He said NO, what is this?... again. I told him the same answer and showed him how they work and he said NO again and said, "this is a song on the airplane" and held them up to his ear. He thought they were the headphone covers from the LONG airplane ride we had from Ethiopia to DC. He has NEVER verbalized anything from the past except from the last month or so (things from our home). I was pleasantly surprised. Small I know but huge to me:)

We celebrated Benjamin's birthday Saturday... will post a couple of pics on Tues, his actual birthday (what we will always call his birthday)!

behind the blue door

2011-09-21T00:40:00.002-05:00

This is the title to a poem that my sweet friend wrote... the friend who walked with me side by side through every step of our adoption. I was given this poem in a frame and was also given a painting of blue doors the night before we left for Rwanda. Here is the poem (I hope I typed it all correctly)...

Behind the Blue Door are tiny little faces, each one with a different story, a different name, a different past, and a different future. Behind the Blue Door are sweet smiles and sparkling eyes, waiting for their futures to arrive. Behind the Blue Door are needs, desires, hopes, and dreams waiting to be fullfilled. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door are little boys and little girls, just like yours and mine, all so precious in His sight. Behind the Blue Door are talents and gifts not yet discovered in the hearts and lives of these little young ones. Behind the Blue Door are different names, different personalities, different perspectives, and different opinions all waiting to be heard. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door are big crocodile tears, scraped knees, lonely hearts and a need for hugs and kisses to wipe all the tears and make all the boo boos better. Behind the Blue Doors are bright minds, ready for knowledge and compassionate little ones ready for bonds and friendships. Behind the Blue Doors are sweet, tender hearts in need of their Savior, Jesus. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door are listening ears, ready to hear God's word, take the seeds planted and make a difference in the world. Behind the Blue Door are brave, beautiful, and blessed conquers over the circumstances of life. Behind the Blue Door are those destined for greatness, sons and daughters of the King. Behind the Blue Door are little fingers waiting to get and give affection, waiting for accpetance. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door lay, and sit, and stand creative, captivating wee ones peering at what will be. Behind the Blue Door are precious faces, energetic bodies, and discerning minds destined to reign in this life. Behind the Blue Door are boys and girls with gentle spirits destined for wholeness and healing in their bodies. Behind the Blue Door are those lifted by their Heavenly Father who carries them. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door are maturing miracles, chosen by God, for a perfect plan and purpose, waiting for those who will help them reach their potential. Behind the Blue Door are joyful, cherished, princes and princesses of the King, positioned to receive from God. Behind the Blue Door the pitter patter of little feet and little voices fill the air. Behind the Blue Door are seeds, planted by God, waiting for the nutrients to help them grow. They are Standing, Waiting, Behind the Blue Door.

Behind the Blue Door are unique, tender, steadfast, smart, little living testimonies of Jesus Christ and his Great love for us. Behind the Blue Door are true pictures of God's faithfuness, His Plan and Provision, His Promises, and His Grace for all of us. Behind the Blue Door are waiting little ones...

Behind the Blue Door are YOUR little ones, Standing, Waiting, to walk with you forever from
Behind the Blue Door.

Yep, I bawled. It was late when I read it... she and her husband had come over to pray with us. This night was surreal, I couldn't believe the time had come. If you are not familiar with the orphanage that the kids were here is a picture of when we drive up for the VERY FIRST TIME...

And as we drove through the blue gates he was THERE waiting to meet us, standing where we would park.

And about 10 minutes later here she came...

A moment we had anticipated for a long time. A moment that I didn't expect to experience after being awake for almost 40 hours. The time that afternoon was short but a time I will never forget. The poem is so true and makes me long for a family for every orphan as they wait.

so many thoughts...

2011-09-20T14:34:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to blog several things lately and haven't found the time. So here are some out of order and very random thoughts and happenings from our house.

Hope started walking about 10 days ago!! She has been taking 10-20 steps for a couple of months now BUT 10 days ago her main method of getting from point A to B is on foot. She is cute and clumsy and I love it!

Benjamin's affection for me has greatly increased. He wants and initiates sitting in my lap and he lives to play with my hair. He looks into my eye for more than an second, he gazes into them now and I love it.

We dropped out of Boy Scouts for the time being. So much to do and time is so valuable that we decided that Rusty and the boys would take 1 night a week and work in the shop together. Great bonding and lots of learning... will post completed projects when they are well, complete!

Benjamin turns 4 on the 27th. We are having a party with family and our friends who are like family. I wanted to CELEBRATE Benjamin's life BIG but decided to keep it smaller. When we have had a large crowd here he ends up in the garage, separated from others and quietly playing alone... so smaller it is. His life has not been celebrated before so we can't wait to show him what a birthday looks like!

The boys got 4-wheelers. One day Andrew had tied Benjamin's Power Wheel Jeep to the 4-wheeler and was going FULL SPEED through the backyard. Immediately it was shut down. Not 10 minutes later Andrew was pushing Benjamin (front wheels to back wheels) through the yard FULL SPEED AHEAD! Again, shutdown! Benjamin loves speed. He loves to do everything we do, EVERYTHING! Hope loves to go for rides on the 4-wheeler too!

Hope has this new scream... LOUD and SHRILL... when she doesn't get her way! When ignored it stops within a minute. Did I mention it is ear piercing??

Benjamin talks ALL DAY LONG, literally ALL DAY LONG unless he is sleeping! He asks questions and repeats everything you say. He is learning to speak through this but some days it drives me NUTS! I want to plug my ears and go to a quite place. And Hope is loud on top of it!

Both Hope and Benjamin are still napping/sleeping well.

Hope is cutting 2 maybe 3 molars, a few restless nights with that.

We went to a dinner with the couples we went on our spring marriage retreat with this past Friday night. It was the first time we left Hope and Benjamin alone without either of us there. My parents came, they all did great!

I read Passport Through Darkness recently. Loved it. Lost sleep over it. Quilt, anger, question... so many things rushing though my mind. Reminded of how COMFORTABLE we are here in America. If you have any interest in orphans/human trafficking- READ IT! Just started Generous Justice, only 2 chapters in and I love it. Challenged already.

Realizing that my "stuff" drives me nuts and brings about more frustrations many times that pleasure!

Repenting of anger/lack of gentleness... how I respond to the kids (all 5). The words... "let your gentleness be evident all" ring in my mind. Lately it is more "evident" to strangers that my family. This means I need to lay that at the feet of the Lord in a new and fresh way because deep down I struggle with it.

My cousin, Peter, has co-authored a children's book on adoption that several people are raising funds for. PLEASE... at least go read about the project and then pray and ask if the Lord would have you support this work...
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1730501360/mommys-heart-went-pop/backers
and you can check out Peter's blog to know more about him...
http://www.peterkgreer.com/

Rusty has been working on his own now for over 2 years. The day he lost his job he began working for himself. The Lord has blessed us. His schedule is more flexible. We have more time together. We make less money than we have in years and still we feel "rich". We have not saved any money during that time but have adopted 2 children... but I must say at least 80% of those funds were raised or given as gifts. It is amazing, the peace that comes when you turn it all over to the Lord... even if you were "forced" to do so. So freeing!

Hope is talking more and more. And even says poo poo right before she fills up her diaper... this has been going on for about 5 days now. She is 16 months old as of Sunday.

Carter is back at piano and loving it! Benjamin sings along to Better Is One Day... sweet!

Aubrey is about to begin sewing.

The 4 oldest have been dressing up like army men/women and staying busy with adventures in the backyard!

The laundry is piled on my bed. The school room looks like a bomb went off. Guess I better get to work!

nature day

2011-09-10T08:45:00.004-05:00

One day a week I encourage the kids to explore the outdoors. Yes, they are out there all of the time but this is differnt. They use all 5 senses. They choose one thing to put in their Nature Notebook. Today we went to Barfield Park! Here are some of todays pics...

hot dogs in the backyard

2011-09-09T21:35:00.001-05:00

As a tradition we roast hot dogs one night while we are camping, the kids love it! This past weekend when we went camping we arrived to the campground later than planned so we boiled our hot dogs instead of roasting them (since it was bedtime for the kids). Obviously not nearly as good so we had a little fire in the backyard, complete with smores, this evening and the kids are camping out (the 4 oldest)! Our tent was set up to dry today (first day with NO RAIN since we have been home).

i love the way she looks at him, now:)

YES, just help yourself to some more mac-n-cheese (we never ate it while camping)

he could get used to these on the weekends:)

not sure why he is in the stroller or what that face is about!

and it is 8:30 and time for bed... daddy is praying with them (Benjamin has started asking to pray at meal time and bedtime... tonight he broke out with God Our Father... haven't sung it in 6-8 weeks, cracked us up)! Have to do a post on the changes that have taken place here!

just a side note... Rusty picked up Sushi for the 2 of us to eat:) slightly better than hot dogs!!

camping

2011-09-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

On May 14, 2011 we walked up a flight of stairs in the DC airport and met John and Laurie Williams, their daughter Amelia and Laurie's best friend, Becky. Our lives have never been the same. We said hello went our separate ways and then met back up at the gate and boarded a plane headed to Rwanda. Each of our families adopted 2 children, a boy and a girl. The memories we share are more personal and private than many we have shared with our closest friends and family. We walked through miralces, struggled with anger and frustration and celebrated blessings together in Rwanda and Ethiopia. So much was shared... an amazing time in our lives. A time that we want to remember parts of and forget parts of.

So this weekend we met up with those special people we traveled across the world with. The people who saw Hope so sick and Benjamin so out of control. Our reunion was sweet. It was refreshing to sit and talk to people who share the same inner struggles and celebrate similar successes. They understand us and we understand them. Adoption is beautiful and hard... very hard. Our meeting place was in Cherokee, NC. We sat and remembered our trip. We talked about the things are kids did there and the things they are doing or not doing now. We met the family members that did not travel with us. Our time together was good, like medicine for your soul.

Benjamin was let out of our car and he ran straight for Mugisha (Jerrod) and they hugged and immediately pointed at their own shoes... they now both have shoes to wear EVERYDAY and they LOVE IT! They have different shoes to choose from and they also have friends still at Home of Hope and Home of Joy who do not have shoes for their precious feet. What a bitter sweet moment. I love how the boys celebrated together! It also made me think how a simple pair of shoes can make such a difference. Benjamin loves having things to call his own... in fact he drives me nuts sometimes as he tries to label every item in the house as someones. In Rwanda his shoes and clothes were a source of pride for him... not his new parents!

Over the weekend we swam, laughed, played in the creek, tubed down the river, danced and played in the rain, napped, ate, laughed, hugged, smiled, jumped on the air pillow, walked, rode scooters, drank coffee, ate ice cream, made smores, sat by the fire and just loved being together. One morning Becky presented both Laurie and I with the MOST AMAZING book she made on Shutterfly of our time in Africa... yep, there were tears. I was overwhelmed, so thankful that God brought our families together. Thankful for the gift of adoption. Reminded of the grace God has given me up to this point and how much more I need as I learn to really love and cherish these new gifts in our family!

Here are a few pictures from our weekend together!

Sunday afternoon it began to rain, it let up and then that evening it began to rain again and literally has not stopped since. We packed up everything but our tents and ourselves Sunday night and then loaded the tents the next morning... in the pouring down rain. Memories. Our stuff is still soaked. It took us 8 hours to drive home due to traffic (it should have taken just under 5)! The kids did amazingly well all weekend! We will camp a whole lot more knowing how well they do... I can't wait! Looking forward to seeing Lauire again in Jan at the Created to Care retreat in GA! Friendships are a blessing:) I did post a lot more pictures on facebook.

soccer

2011-08-31T22:52:00.000-05:00

andrew is playing soccer again and loving it!

we decided as a family to take a break from all sports for a while due to the busyness with the adoption.

so here is his team this year...

hope loved clapping and cheering andrew's team on...

and we may have another soccer player on our hands...

loving people

2011-08-25T13:55:00.000-05:00

You know, people can be hard to love, very hard. Our Pastor has a prayer blog and this one really struck me (many if not all do). Very relevant for me...

A Prayer for Grace to Love All Kinds of People

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:16–19

Lord Jesus, I’m arrested today by our call to love all kinds of people in all kinds of situations all the time—the confirming mark of true discipleship (John 13:34). No calling exposes my need for the gospel more than the command to love well. This would be an unbearableburden if you didn’t love us as you do. We love you, and anybody, only because you first loved us.

Because of your great love for us, Jesus, we don’t have to be afraid of anything, especially dying and facing judgment. For your cross is judgment day for all who trust in you. Hallelujah! You took the punishment we deserve for all the ways we dishonor God, including the ways we love so poorly. We are so thankful we can collapse, rely and draw upon the love you have for us. May your perfect love continue to drive out all our fears. In this hope, here’s my plea, Jesus.

Help me to love the members of my immediate family in fresh and creative ways. At the same time, they’re the easiest and the hardest people to love. Sometimes we thoroughly enjoy each other and celebrate each other’s uniqueness; other times, it’s our diversity which creates tensions and conflicts, and a need for your gentling grace. Bring your kindness, compassion, patience, and perseverance to bear. Help me to provoke members of my family to love and good deeds, and not just provoke them by my pettiness and brokenness.

Jesus, grant me grace for loving my friends well. Help me not take any of them for granted. Forgive me when I want friendship to be simply a mutual admiration society rather than a community of groaning, grace, and growth. Grant me strength for loving the irritating people in my life—those who are easy to avoid and hard to forbear. Remind me that I’m that very person to others. Grant me wisdom for loving foolish people in my life—the ones presently making destructive choices, the ones I’m mad at right now. By your Spirit, remove the log in my eye that I might use gospel-tweezers on their specks.

Grant me compassion for loving the depressed and grieving people in my life. My default mode is to try to fix them and make them happy, but I know that’s not really what they need from me. Grant me humility for loving the poor, the orphans and widows, the marginalized, “the least and the lost,” for among them I will surely find you, Lord Jesus.

Lord Jesus, continue to reveal to us the width, length, height and depth of your love for us (Eph. 3:18-19). There is no other way we will be able to love others as you command. So very Amen we pray, in your kind and powerful name.

Scotty Smith

Pastor for Preaching

Christ Community Church

1215 Hillsboro Rd.

Franklin, TN 37069

It's good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace Hebrews 13:9

project quadracycle

2011-08-23T21:29:00.000-05:00

Rusty and the boys love to go to the shop and build and design stuff... stuff that no one else designs. So before the playhouse project began we had another project in the making... the famous QUADRACYCLE.

It is not yet complete but here are a few shots from tonight (should have taken a better progression shots).

The steering needs to be refined and a paint job is in order, of course!

loved the lake

2011-08-23T21:16:00.000-05:00

This past weekend we traveled up to KY to spend the weekend with Rusty's family (one of his brothers and sister-in-law do the care taking for the TN/KY Salvation Army Camp). The other brother (and his family) got to meet Benjamin and Hope for the first time. It was a great. We have stayed so close to home (many weeks not leaving the house for days... lots of days) so this was a big deal... spending the night away from home since our return from Africa. It went great... amazingly great! We decided to put Benjamin in a pack-n-play for bed and it was great... he slept for almost 12 hours both nights (he was a little long for it but it was cozy). Vacations like these I love. Outdoors most of the time... saw lots of deer and turkeys, even a skunk and rattle snake. We had no computer, no cell phones and rarely knew what time it was! So here are a few highlights from our trip...

benjamin knee boarded a few times!

and he has a special cousin that he loves to play with

all of the cousins

benjamin drove the boat (vic gave him a little too much control... wild ride)

hope rode and swam and said the word boat 1,000 times

all of the 3 older kids have knee boarded several times but this trip carter was able to ride backwards... he was so excited

Rusty and I took 425 pictures so we will post a bunch more on facebook:)