improvement

Last week was H A R D and the weekend was not much better.

Monday brought some changes as did Tuesday and today we turned a corner. 

I wish I could say that I used some great tactics but I didn't. 

He did stay closer and I provided a little more for him to do but today he just seemed to decide to stay out of trouble. 

Last week he missed church so this morning he was told that if he made bad choices he would have to go to bible study with me and miss his class- he really wanted to go and he did really well all day long, I was SHOCKED!  Carter even told Rusty at dinner that B didn't not get in trouble today... the bad behavior is noticed by everyone!

he is a handsome little boy:)

Figuring kids out is tricky. 

One question that B can't seem to answer is why.  Like...

 why did you color on the couch, chair, and windows with a marker?

why do you like cookies?

why do you like to ride your 4-wheeler?

why did you touch the computer (that was behind a closed door) for the 10th time today?

why do you like your shoes and dress shirts so much?

It doesn't matter what type of question you ask... if it begins with "why" then you get a blank stare or a shoulder shrug (some of the shrugging goes back to Rwanda, like a shove-off type of response that we dealt with a lot).  "Why" may be too deep or too analytical of a question, I don't know.  I even role play and answer why questions and he still doesn't get it or chooses not to answer.

So, I get frustrated with him when he doesn't answer me at all.

I think I might like a simple "I don't know" once in a while.

So I wanted to share that he has done great today.

We will see how tomorrow goes.

on a lighter and more fun note...

guess who likes pickles, like loves them???

she could not get enough at lunch.  Carter was so happy, he wants everyone to love pickles!


Later I told Hope to smile...

and then I just told her to open her eyes...

all of our kids have always loved to swing, I think all kids do.

these 2 can't seem to get enough these days...



Knowing that I can't do this job as Mommy on my own is comforting in a way, but I do wish that I would find myself running to the Lord more quickly than I do. 

I wish I would grab Benjamin's hands each time he disobeys or makes choices that he knows aren't right and pray with him FIRST instead of raising my voice or redirecting, the redirection can come next with a hug and a kiss.

Right now life is full, it really is a good full- most days. 

I need to post some videos so you all can see how the personalities of #'s 4 and 5 have changed!

I am ordering Grace Based Parenting and hope to get some wisdom out of it... I went to a Parenting with Grace session at my retreat and want to know a little more.  If I want to be given much grace by my Father I need to know how to give it as well (especially in hard places).

End of the randomness:)

Tomorrow the board of tumor doctors will review Sallee's case and make a decision. Pray.

dealing with life

This will be a little long...

Thank you to those of you who have committed to pray for Sallee.  I appreciate you leaving comments on her blog and sending me emails.  If you want to send her a card (a friend felt led to do so and I thought others might as well) I will give you her address via email.  Contact me at rutledge98@gmail.com.  She did find out that the cancer is in her cervix and her liver and the treatment is uncertain at this time.  A team of Dr.s are reviewing her case.  I will update as I know more.

Created for Care retreat... a must for an adoptive mom.  I learned so much, I took so many notes, I bought sessions on cd and I laughed and I cried and told stories of the good and of the bad.  I met some women that I have only know via blogs and email... amazing to connect with them.  I needed to get away and then was eager to get home.  The family did awesome while I was gone.  Aubrey cooked everything and the weather was great so they were outside a lot.  Rusty said as a whole it was the easiest time he has ever had with the kids on his own (and there were 2 more).  They even got to church on time and had to leave at 8:15... yay to Rusty!

SO before you adopt go to the CONNECTED CHILD conference by Karen Purvis and the CREATED FOR CARE retreat after you have been home (although MANY women at the retreat -90 out of 400- had not brought a child home yet... I can see benefits to being these both times).

So now I am home.  Sunday was amazing, lots of family time and we even went out to dinner... rare but GREAT!  And then Monday hit and hit hard!  All of the kids were so good except for one little 4 year old boy who was up at 2am waking his brothers, turning on the lights and playing with toys (this has NEVER happened before).  He went back to bed and then got up early and played again and peed in his diaper until his sweat pants (that he wore to bed) were soaked from the waist to the knees.  To say we started off the week poorly is an understatement.  I was angry with him.  So Monday continued and he continued to cut things, dump things out, play in the toilet, break things and the list goes on and it is LONG!

If you are familiar with adoption strategies than you know this behavior warrants TIME-IN instead of the traditional TIME-OUT.  On Tuesday we had a repeat day so I knew what I had to do.  On Wednesday he went everywhere with me, he was my shadow... he went with me to do laundry, to use the bathroom, to cook and so on... he did not leave my side except for nap (and then he made a mess in his room).  We did not go to church, I was not going to leave him.

The thing that puzzles me is that none of this seems to be malicious (like done in an "I'll show you" sort of way).  He very nonchalantly does these things.  Thursday he spent a lot of the day with me, not all, it was driving me a little crazy.  And now we are at today... he went down for his nap at 12 (usually it is 1 or 2).  So I have to have a plan.  I lost control several times this week and yelled at him, it doesn't work nor help.  He still comes down EVERY morning and afternoon with a huge HI, MOMMY... GOOD MORNING or I LOVE YOU!  He sits in my lap, plays with my hair and is as affectionate as ever.  I may need to give him more structure during the day.  He has had a lot of free play in limited areas but I think maybe we have to give him more to do.  I will experiment and pray and implement what I think is best.

My parents took the 3 oldest to a state park for the night and then they are staying at their house on Saturday night so B should gets lots of quality time, no school and no bigger kids here!  Daddy will be home too and that is good (for all of us)!

My final thought is just that Satan is attacking in some sort of way.  I don't know.  I have look beyond the behavior and remember that there is a fragile child who was once abandoned by his mother whom God has entrusted to me to love and to disciple and to nurture.  Lord give me the strength for today.

update on the little kids

We have made some more progress and have areas to work on here.

BENJAMIN
He is not peeing in his pants at all any more... I can't really remember when it stopped but it has been a while since he has done it.  He is also out of diapers at nap time, finally.  He still wears them at night and wakes up soaked every morning. 

He is also not licking everything he touches or comes in contact with now.  He does still put A LOT of stuff in his mouth but that has decreased from where it was. 

We have chosen to keep him very close to us over the past 7+ months.  He has always been very quick to want to go home with people that have been at our house or stay with those we visit.  He doesn't cry to go or stay now but he still will say a definite YES if people ask him if he wants to go or stay with them.  I have repeatedly told him that he is mine and that I really need him to be with me so he often says "you mine mama, you mine"... I hope he is getting it.  Benjamin has never shown fear of being without us... he freely walks away in public settings and acts very strong and independent.  BUT we had what I would call a BREAK THROUGH MOMENT... when we were at Toys R Us (the day we went to the zoo) we were shopping and he did not follow us to the next isle and when he looked up and realized we were gone he panicked!  The sound of your child being lost and full of fear usually hurts BUT this time I smiled so big and yelled to Rusty... DO YOU HEAR THAT?  It is hard to put into word what went on there but for the first time he was scared and fearful that he was alone... or that is how we perceived it anyway.  To me this is progress!  I scooped him up when he came around the corner.  As I stated above we have kept him very close, taking care of his needs and for the first time we sent him to class at church... this past Wednesday night.  He loved it and did great.

Benjamin is very affectionate with us and others... we would prefer that the very hands on affection be with us. We encourage him to hug and high five but try to let him love on us (very hands on) and not others in the same way.

He still loves to pray and when he started he always prayed and thanked God for food and water and now he opens every prayer with thank you for my family and then a lot of times lists all of our names.

Benjamin can play with play dough for an hour straight!

He has a huge sweet tooth.  Last night I took Aubrey, Carter, Andrew and Benjamin to a MLK Jr. service in Franklin and on the way home we stopped by Sonic and Benjamin's cone started to drip so I wrapped a receipt around it (he had already used the 3 napkins the lady gave us).  A few minutes later Aubrey screams (very dramatic at times) and then I am told he has eaten part of the receipt and the paper that came on the cone... hey, it was cover with ice cream!  He has done this before but last time ate all of the paper!!

He still refuses to talk about anything from Rwanda.

He definitely knows the color red and that is it in the color department.  He knows some letters and recognizes a B from a mile away and yells B for BENJAMIN.  He also tells people that it is A for Aubrey, Andrew and Alli and H for Hope and R for Daddy (Rusty)... confusing, I know.

He has an imagination like none I have ever seen.  Last night after dinner he was flying in his airplane and shooting and catching all the animals like giraffes, horses and bears!  And he is the king of sound effects!

HOPE
She is now potty trained, no diapers at nap and wakes up dry most mornings (still in diapers then).  She has a very strong will and we think that is why she potty trained early, what we consider early anyway.  We did not instigate this, she did!  It began a few months ago with her saying poo poo and then going in her diaper minutes later.  After a couple of weeks of this routine I began to put her on the potty and she would go.  We did this for about 2 months and then she "accidentally" peed in the potty and we had a celebration and gave her an M&M and then it took off from there.  She seemed so young that I did not buy her underwear.  I did put Benjamin's on her a few days then when my mother-in-law was here before Christmas she went out and bought her some and told me not to miss my opportunity with this so she has been in underwear since the middle of December. 

Hope has also moved up to a twin bed... with a rail.  We did a trial nap in the big bed and then from that point on she cried to get in that bed over her crib so we moved her and took the crib down this past weekend.  She has changed SO MUCH and is not at all the little girl we picked up in Rwanda in May.

She still uses the words mine and no way more than I like.  She is very demanding and is not shy about telling you what she wants when she wants it!  She very defiantly tells us NO when she doesn't want to go to bed, get in her car seat or anything else she doesn't feel like doing!

Hope says a variety of words, some still very hard to decipher.  She is beginning to make 2-3 word sentences like "thank you, Aubrey" and "Daddy's home".

I wrote in an earlier post about her waking up for 2-3 hours at night, she hasn't done that since the week of Christmas.

Hope loves shoes and clothes... I mean LOVES them!!

Hope can tear a room apart in a matter of minutes so I feel like I am constantly picking up after her if she is left unattended for any amount of time... she also loves to get in my bathroom and gets into make-up and anything with a top!  She does spend time on a blanket while we do Bible for school and still has some pack-n-play time... so that helps.  In place of her crib she has a huge doll house that Rusty's dad built years ago for his niece.  After he passed away in 2002 Aubrey was given it as a gift.  Benjamin possibly likes it more than Hope!

Hope comes to me daily with a book in hand and says "lap mama, book".  She LOVES to be read to but her favorite book contains no words, it is the picture book that Becky made of our Rwanda trip!

Tomorrow Hope will be 20 months and she acts like she is going on 13 years!

AS A WHOLE...
Things have been harder with the colder weather, much more time inside and that is hard for me.    Andrew and Benjamin continue to grow closer but Andrew still tries to parent him too much!  Rusty and I are REALLY looking forward to a date night with friends this Thursday night!  We are going to preview the movie October Baby... will let you know how we like it! 

As with most update posts, I am sure I forgot details that I wanted to share but that is how my brain rolls these days:)

6 months home

That's right... as of yesterday we have had Hope and Benjamin in our home for 6 months.  What an amazing and challenging 6 months it has been.  But I can say in the midst of the craziness and chaos we are blessed and cringe when we think what our lives would be like without these 2 little blessings we call our son and daughter.  The laughter has been abundant around here!  So let me give you a bit of an update on the kids...

Benjamin- he has come so far.  When we were in Rwanda we thought we had possibly made a mistake.  The running away, the hitting, biting, spitting and lack of fear of authority blew us away... it was SO hard. The 2-3 hours of screaming every night to get him to sleep was draining to say the least. But the first week home he was a new child... I mean like an instant 180 degree change.  Structure, love and a schedule were just what he needed.  The little boy who would not make eye contact or smile is full of love- hands on love, lots of kisses and laughter that makes you want to fall out in the floor.  This kid is a comedian!  So is life completely perfect and rosy?  NO! NO! NO!  And it never will be!  With the comfort of getting to know each other he has begun to test a few new boundaries... in some ways he acts like he is 2 and at other times 4, like his true age.  He is learning some letters and shapes but colors are still pretty foreign... although he recently has learned red, I think.  Just when I think "HE'S GOT IT" he doesn't!  Still a huge eater but a little more picky.  He was not speaking in complete sentences in Kinyarwandan but now he makes beautiful sentences in English.  The mispronunciation of many letters is quickly resolving itself... for example now he says Carter instead of Tarter, so many examples like this but we still have work to do.  The thing that has driven us a bit crazy with him is the way he has learned to speak and learned to understand.  He REPEATS everything a thousand times and asks a thousand questions every way possible and those we are around that witness it think it is so cute BUT I am SO over it!  Love his ability to learn but being with him all day everyday makes me want to plug my ears at night!  We think he might possibly have a future career in music.  He loves to sing and memorizes songs very well.  He can keep a beat like no other 4 year old I have ever seen, it is amazing!  A perfect nickname for him is Curious George.  He loves cake and knows that Christmas is about, as he puts it... "My Jesus"... not that I think he really gets it but I love his answer when people ask.  He loves loud music and loves speed in a car, on a boat, on a motorcycle or 4-wheeler.  He loves to pray and I love to hear him do it!  This kid is AWESOME!

Hope-  Our little girl who was so sick and so shy when we got her has COME OUT OF HER SHELL, like busted out!  Her personality has slowly developed but is in full swing now!  She is loud and "talks" all of the time!  She gets jealous if Benjamin sits in my lap.  She is a champ at telling people NO when she is serious and NAW when she is playing around... a redneck African!  She loves to eat and LOVES to be outside... she cries if others are out and she is not allowed to go!  Her language is booming!  She can say all of our names, some not as understandable as others... Carter is LawLer.  She attempts to repeat everything we tell her to say.  She loves to play chase and peek-a-boo.  She loves Benjamin and plays with him well.  She screams when I cook dinner most nights but is learning to be patient and wait... kinda!  She is bossy and will quickly tell you to "get back" and push you when you are in her way... she is so not shy anymore!  She does not like to be left out of anything.  One thing that we can't quite figure out with her is her sleeping at night.  Some nights she is up for 2 hours, give or take a little.  She does not cry or call for us to get her, she talks (loudly), sings and has a little party on her own.  So what this means is that I am up with her, not physically but I can hear her... I  have to remove her from her room since she shares with Aubrey so she doesn't keep her up and that means she goes in a pack-n-play in our room.  Rusty can sleep through 90% of it, I have never understood that amazing ability of his!

So I am sure there are lots of things that I am forgetting that I wanted to share. I attempted to get the kids on video last night and it was a flop... when I get the camera out they crawl all over me. I also wanted to have a cute little slide show done of our trip to Rwanda to get them and that didn't happen either... maybe over our Christmas break from school I will get it done or maybe just started!

Life is crazy, full, fun, exciting, exhausting and tiring but so rewarding. And I can say that this experience has been so positive that we are not closed to the idea of adopting again BUT we do not currently have plans to do so!

visas and home- Day 19-20

We had an Embassy appointment at 10:30 to do our interview, get visas and our packets for each child to get back into the country.  We decided to go to the IOM clinic first just to make sure that they did indeed send our medical files with a courier, we can't do out interview without the medical reports in the hands of the Embassy.  We arrived about 9am and they had been sent.  We went to our interview and that went well.  They consulate gave back our original documents and told us to return at 3pm (only one person per family had to show up) to get the packets and then we would be good to board our plane.  Lauire and I went (Rusty was sick and the kids were napping) and we got there right on time and guess what... they needed 3 more documents (the ones that the consulate handed us when we finished our interview).  The Williams and ourselves both specifically asked if we needed anything else and the consulate said NO to both of us.  You can imagine that we were frustrated and concerned!  We were a 30-45 minute drive back to our guest house.  This was literally the first trip that we did not carry every piece of paperwork with us, we took it to eat and to do everything until this point.  We hopped in the van and told the driver (great guy) to get us to the guest house asap and he did just that.  We grabbed those 3 documents each and every other piece of paperwork that we had related to the adoption, just in case.  We made it back to the Embassy in 20 minutes and ran in and gave the lady our documents and she says... we actually need copies of these and don't do copies here!  Seriously!  I think at this point she saw a little anger in our eyes and quickly agreed to make copies for us even though it is not the policy.  About 20-30 minutes later we were on our way with visas and packets in hand.  We made it to the guest house where they wer serving an authentic dinner and then did a coffee ceremony for us... a sign of friendship, very cool.  We ate and then drank and headed for the airport with our driver (tess-fay)... not sure how you really spell it.  The lines were crazy long and the kids were impatient but we made it on the plan for our LONG flight. 

The lights were dimmed right away and Benjamin was on his way to la-la land and then all the lights go on and they start serving drinks.  We declined (he was not happy) and then Rusty had him dozing off again and they bring dinner out!!!!!  At 11:00pm... we declined again an I am irritated!  He finally fell asleep and slept through our landing and take off in Rome... interesting but he slept.  Hope slept for at least 8 hours and I was holding her... no bassinets left and we got the airport 4 hours early!  Both kids did better than expected.

We had an 8 hour delay in DC... not fun at all.  Benjamin was tried so Rusty got him to sleep and laid him on the floor.  He woke up due to leaking out of his pull-up and he was mad.  We said good bye to the Williams family and Becky... sad moment, we had been through a lot together.  We finally got him settled, got some more to eat and waited a little longer.  we all changed clothes to look a little fresher and then Hope had a blowout all over me and her, I was not happy!  We both changed and waited to board. We boarded the the flight to Nashville and had a 30 minute delay on the runway due to rain.  Hope slept and Benjamin fidgeted a lot.  Carter played his DS and Aubry slept.  We were happy when we landed after our 2 hour flight... we made it home!

We had a crowd waiting to greet us and to meet Benjamin and Hope.  She was shy and he ran right out into the crowd and started playing with the kids... you know him, he's not shy!  He tried to run off several times but my brother was on Benjamin duty so we could talk.  It was a great feeling to be home at last, to see Andrew and our family and friends.

The car ride home was good, we were concerned after the continued struggles with the seat belt on the airplane.  He liked his seat and Hope did well.

We rode home in a professionally cleaned car and came home to a professionally cleaned house... what a great feeling.  Our yard was mowed, the flowerbeds were mulched and we had more food, clothes and toys than you can imagine.  Benjamin was in heaven, the look on his face was priceless.  He was over stimulated for sure.  My parents and sister-in-law had dinner for us.  Our laundry was started as soon as we got in.  We had diapers, laundry detergent, paper goods, beds and everything and anything we might need to make our transition smooth.  We are well loved!  We have meals 3 days a week for a month and the list goes on.

Benjaimn went to bed very easily as did Hope.  So now the madness of paperwork and travel is over our journey begins.  A journey that God has known about and that we will find out about one day at a time.  Have I mentioned that I am glad to be HOME!

A few things that i am more grateful for...
-running water that you can drink
-a comfortable bed
-air conditioning
-a washer and dryer
-people that speak my language, communication

here are some pictures but they are out of order...

 aubrey and her best friend haley at the airport

 waiting on the train to take us to our gate at dc

 benjamin does not like our dog bandy, checking her out through the glass

 meet benjamin dulles airport

 on the train to go eat in the airprot

 he can say her name but wants her at a distance

                          on the long flight, ate, played, used the bathroom and made funny noises

benjamin always"knows" where he is going, he loved the escelator

                          the morning of the day we were leaving, a little play dough time in the briefs

benjamin loved carrying his backpack, it slowed him down a bit, it was very heavy but he insisted on wearign it the whole time, i think it was theraputic for him

                                                                  preparing the coffee

 roasting coffee beans

loving the popcorn at the coffee ceromony 

                   becky took a group shot with the driver/babysitter/translator/bag carrier... he did it all

 our driver with the 3 oldest rwandans

 ethiopian air, here we come

hope is ready to sleep on the flight!

 sunrise out the plane window

our final flight!

we had dozens of people, balloons, signs waiting in the airport

there are soem pictures of that on facebook, others took them!

next week i will do a week home review... i can say that things are already better in many ways but will share details next week:)

swimming- Day 18

We made our 9am appointment to have Benjamin's TB test read and it was NEGATIVE, so glad!  From there we went to the Sheraton to swim and have lunch.  It rained off and on the entire time but Benjamin loved it!  There was a water slide and he thought that was great.  Hope and I just watched.  The pool was heated but it is so much cooler here than we expected it to be. 

Benjamin loves play dough and it holds his attention well.  He is having great mornings and ok afternoon and evenings.  We can see a connection in misbehavior and lack of sleep.  When he is well rested he is joyful and fun.  When he is tired he is harder to deal with... sounds like most kids!  He has been "in charge" of himself in so may ways since he was born authority and boundaries are tough for him!

Hope continues to laugh more and show more of her personality.

pictures

I was able to upload several pictures to facebook today, internet is working unusually well this afternoon!
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150195537289731.324822.773579730#!/elizabethjr1

up the mountain- Day 17

Wow, day 17... that is a lot for folks who don't travel much!

Woke up early to lots of sunday chanting!

We had a few sick this morning so we decided not to go swimming but we did go purchase some coffee (we will be well stocked between Rwanda and Ethiopia) and go up a mountain.  The drive up was quite the experience... 1000's of people walking to church and many more just sitting or lying on the side of the road where they stay most of the time.

The afternoon was slow but at 7:00 we had reservations for a VERY authentic Ethiopian resturant which included some neat food and live dancing and singing, the kids loved it.

On the way home we stopped at what seemed to Addis Ababa's Starbucks and got a cake and brought it back to our guest house (which I highly recommend staying here, more details later).

Nap and bed went better for Benjamin.

The kids are great.  We are well.  We are blessed.

Pray that all goes well at the embassy tomorrow and we do indeed get to come home as our plane tickets are scheduled!