Friday, February 3, 2012

dealing with life

This will be a little long...

Thank you to those of you who have committed to pray for Sallee.  I appreciate you leaving comments on her blog and sending me emails.  If you want to send her a card (a friend felt led to do so and I thought others might as well) I will give you her address via email.  Contact me at  She did find out that the cancer is in her cervix and her liver and the treatment is uncertain at this time.  A team of Dr.s are reviewing her case.  I will update as I know more.

Created for Care retreat... a must for an adoptive mom.  I learned so much, I took so many notes, I bought sessions on cd and I laughed and I cried and told stories of the good and of the bad.  I met some women that I have only know via blogs and email... amazing to connect with them.  I needed to get away and then was eager to get home.  The family did awesome while I was gone.  Aubrey cooked everything and the weather was great so they were outside a lot.  Rusty said as a whole it was the easiest time he has ever had with the kids on his own (and there were 2 more).  They even got to church on time and had to leave at 8:15... yay to Rusty!

SO before you adopt go to the CONNECTED CHILD conference by Karen Purvis and the CREATED FOR CARE retreat after you have been home (although MANY women at the retreat -90 out of 400- had not brought a child home yet... I can see benefits to being these both times).

So now I am home.  Sunday was amazing, lots of family time and we even went out to dinner... rare but GREAT!  And then Monday hit and hit hard!  All of the kids were so good except for one little 4 year old boy who was up at 2am waking his brothers, turning on the lights and playing with toys (this has NEVER happened before).  He went back to bed and then got up early and played again and peed in his diaper until his sweat pants (that he wore to bed) were soaked from the waist to the knees.  To say we started off the week poorly is an understatement.  I was angry with him.  So Monday continued and he continued to cut things, dump things out, play in the toilet, break things and the list goes on and it is LONG!

If you are familiar with adoption strategies than you know this behavior warrants TIME-IN instead of the traditional TIME-OUT.  On Tuesday we had a repeat day so I knew what I had to do.  On Wednesday he went everywhere with me, he was my shadow... he went with me to do laundry, to use the bathroom, to cook and so on... he did not leave my side except for nap (and then he made a mess in his room).  We did not go to church, I was not going to leave him.

The thing that puzzles me is that none of this seems to be malicious (like done in an "I'll show you" sort of way).  He very nonchalantly does these things.  Thursday he spent a lot of the day with me, not all, it was driving me a little crazy.  And now we are at today... he went down for his nap at 12 (usually it is 1 or 2).  So I have to have a plan.  I lost control several times this week and yelled at him, it doesn't work nor help.  He still comes down EVERY morning and afternoon with a huge HI, MOMMY... GOOD MORNING or I LOVE YOU!  He sits in my lap, plays with my hair and is as affectionate as ever.  I may need to give him more structure during the day.  He has had a lot of free play in limited areas but I think maybe we have to give him more to do.  I will experiment and pray and implement what I think is best.

My parents took the 3 oldest to a state park for the night and then they are staying at their house on Saturday night so B should gets lots of quality time, no school and no bigger kids here!  Daddy will be home too and that is good (for all of us)!

My final thought is just that Satan is attacking in some sort of way.  I don't know.  I have look beyond the behavior and remember that there is a fragile child who was once abandoned by his mother whom God has entrusted to me to love and to disciple and to nurture.  Lord give me the strength for today.


Miranda said...

Elizabeth, I'm sure there is a whole other side to having an adopted child so I don't want to underestimate that or act like I know what I'm talking about, because I don't! :) I just thought it might be encouraging to know that every single thing you have described about your week I relate to with Jenna. She is very mischievous and curious and at times acts out in ways for attention that I didn't see coming and can't justify. It comes in spurts and then as quickly as it arrived it leaves. It is about making more time for her and being more intentional with keeping her busy but I can't explain it or always fix it at the speed I'd like. Praying for you because I relate to losing it and yelling, I did that this week too. Hope you have a great weekend!!

Rutledge 7 said...

Thank you, Miranda! It is SO hard to know where the behavior stems from. Our 7 year old acted VERY MUCH like this at times... it ebbed and flowed. Thanks for praying, I do need clarity on whether this is an immature (due to lack of exposure to much of anything) 4 year old or is there a deeper issue or BOTH! Hope your weekend goes well too! I know you are counting down the days until your newest arrival!

Courtney said...

this post blessed me. so much. man...these can be some hard days, huh?? praying this week is better!

From my full heart... said...

Ok so I am WAY late reading this post but wanted to encourage you...For the first year that Little Sister was home we would deal with stuff like that after having a sitter and ESPECIALLY if I was gone overnight. It is their fear of you not coming home and I believe it is truly subconscious. I learned to expose it, talk about it, ask if she was acting this way because she was afraid when mommy was gone and it really helped her. And lots and lots of hugs and reassurance, of course :)
I hope things have settled down by now. :)