Sunday, October 23, 2011

no words

This post could have been part of the last one but I felt like it needed to stand alone.

One day last week after we had completed school for the day we decided to watch our videos from when we were in Rwanda.  Benjamin was right there in my lap taking it all in.  We laughed and remembered and shared stories with Andrew that he had not heard yet.  We did this for over an hour and then went outside as usual.  At dinner that night I got up to serve Benjamin more food (as he usually eats seconds) and when I lean over him he said...

"Mama, I stay here.  I no go back to Rwanda." 

Yes, my heart stopped or sank or leaped... I am really not sure.  I asked him to repeat himself, not sure if I had heard him correctly or not (but I should have known because the look in Rusty's eyes gave it away).  Yep, there were tears, hugs and reassurance that he is here forever and that we brought him here to be a Rutledge and live with us. 

For a mother who fails her children in some way each day, who wonders if her adopted children really like it here... this was music to my hears and medicine for my heart and soul.

This was huge.  Benjamin NEVER EVER talks about Rwanda, the orphanages, the care takers, his friends who he lived with for almost 4 years... NOTHING AT ALL!  (I do have to say with the exception of Mugisha, now Jerrod... the son of the Williams who we travelled with). 

Benjamin, you are here until the Lord decides otherwise but I expect it to be a very long time! 
Love you little guy!  And so proud of the progress you have made!


Miranda said...

Amazing! You are right, there are no words!

Kat said...

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing :)

rutledgeramblings said...

Wow! Tears are in my eyes as well! Love that little guy!